Years ago in my Internet searches I came across an online presence of a group or club for submissives or boys of Leather. I returned to the site repeatedly not sure what I was hoping would be there or what may have changed since my last visit. I even went to the Facebook group looking at the pictures, and wondering when or if I would make contact with them. They looked “normal” like regular guys. Friendly even! But I didn’t do anything.
But, this year, after I was diagnosed with, treated for, and recuperated from anal cancer, I made my move. After all, I had survived the worst of times with AIDS, nearly dying several times back in the nineties. Now I was struggling with the living with anal cancer after receiving chemo and radiation. The after effects were horrendous. But I came through that tunnel walking toward the light of health, clarity, and determination to continue rising from the flames and ashes of adversity like a Phoenix to live another day more authentically.
I emailed one of the boys who was a board member. We met for coffee with two other members to discuss the club, how one becomes a member, and to get a feel for each other. I liked those guys immediately and have met many boys who are all friendly and welcoming. And I am actually not the oldest boy who is a member. After attending four meetings and having coffee many times, I was voted into the club at the November meeting. I feel like I belong. I have new friends. I have a social outlet in addition to going out with our other friends.
Another group I would like to join is a club for Doms and subs. There are educational programs, socials, and business meetings which are rotated monthly. So far I’ve only been able to attended a couple of Meetings. There was a demonstration event at a local Leather bar last month that I attended as well. I wanted to participate, but shyness, insecurities and self-doubt about my abilities got in the way. Hopefully next time I will volunteer to be the sub for some activity. I am meeting and getting to know a few more of the members, but none well enough yet to ask one to be my sponsor. Maybe in a few more months I can move forward with my application. I enjoy watching the Doms and subs interact with each other as it is another opportunity to learn roles and actions in a D/s relationship.
My affinity for the Phoenix symbol propelled me to get a tattoo. I wanted a small Phoenix on my thigh and told the tattoo artist exactly what I wanted and the size. However when I went back to see his rendering of my ideas, the tattoo, which I think is beautiful, was over twice the size I had wanted. However, I approved it and got it done. My first tattoo. Probably my ONLY tattoo. It was excruciating pain having the Phoenix colored and it took over three hours to complete. But it was worth it. It is a beautiful piece of art.
Next up…Old Guard, new guard, or no guard?