As you may already have read in this blog, i am kind of a newbie to the Leather BDSM/Kink community trying to find my place, to fit in somewhere and to figure out just what it is i am into kink-wise. Then, i heard someone say, “Your kink is not my kink and that is Ok.” i suppose prior to hearing this i figured “one size fits most.” i thought almost everyone in the BDSM & Kink community did essentially all the same things. No real individualization, no venturing off into the really heavy stuff. No experimentation!
What does that statement mean and why is it important to hear, internalize, and have it become a mantra of sorts….well, at least for most kinksters.
Actually I would prefer it to say, “Your kink may not be my kink and that is ok.” To me this allows for the possibility that your kink, or at least some of your kinks, just might be my kinks as well. Also, it says that it is ok if your kink is different from mine. We all have certain kinks that excite us, intrigue us, turn us on, and get us off that might get a totally opposite reaction from other people. Everyone is an individual in the world of kink, so to each his own!
i won’t judge you for what you like, and i hope you won’t judge me either. It goes even further though. I think in support of our fellow BDSM/Kink practitioners we shouldn’t even be negative or say that one activity or another is crazy or sick, or put a negative connotation on the kink or the person who likes it. Just as we might judge the kink of someone else, there might be another person branding us or our kink as sick or pathological. i simply would say, “i don’t understand that kink, and it’s not for me.” That short statement puts no judgment on the person who does it; it only says that that kink is not something i want to do.
i am not suggesting that you have no opinion on various activities, but voice your opinion in a non-judgmental way.
Maybe i don’t get into scat, or flogging, or sounding, or whatever, but it is Okay if a Sir and his boy like and participate in those kinky activities. It is also Okay to experiment with various kinks. You may have HARD limits, but you likely have a gray area of interests that you just aren’t sure about because you’ve never done them…As long as it is Safe, Sane, Consensual why not try it!
i like the thought of trying fire play, knife play, blood play, and hard impact play. But, i’ve never done it. i’ve seen a lot of play but i never saw anyone doing edge play. It sounds really intense. Another SIR and His boy may completely enjoy it. It might be exciting and erotic. But will i ever cross that threshold to actually engage in those kinks remains to be seen. If i ultimately decide not to participate in those activities, all I need to remember is, “Your kink is not my kink and that is ok.”
A contrasting view of this statement is that some kink is wrong, disgusting, and/or dangerous. This is an extremely judgemental view. It seems to say “your kink is disgusting but my kink is normal, healthy, and acceptable, so you just need to do those things that i approve of and you’ll be okay.”
i would love to hear your reaction and thoughts on this. Have you judged another person based on their personal kinks? Has someone judged you for your kink? What kink have you tried that just wasn’t something you’ll do again, and why?
My next post will be on “sub headspace.” What is it, how do you get it, and what does it feel like?
Also, Monday will be my weekly post “Will, Won’t or Maybe Monday!”
Thanks for reading,