In several readings about BDSM i saw references to something called the sub headspace. i didn’t know what it was or if i’d ever experienced it myself, so i did a lot more reading about “sub headspace” or more simply, “subspace” and reflected deeply on my few D/s sessions.
It is hard to intellectually explain something that encompasses thoughts, emotions, physical sensations, and perhaps a bit of an out of body experience. i didn’t realize until i began reading that i have had two episodes of sub Headspace. Another opportunity to achieve a sort of subspace, or subspace lite, occurred with a different Master, but was ended abruptly by me.
Master #1 and #2
At first it was the physical Dominance of the Master, the need, the desire to serve/service Him and develop an emotional connection with Him. Then, the sound of His commanding voice and His actual commands propelled me deeper into the funny, floating feeling. Then the blindfold blocked out all light and visual cues as to what was happening, and what would follow. i was shackled, hands and feet, to the bench where i would Remain throughout the session. i felt the flogger slapping against my butt with increasing intensity…and pain. As i listened to the Master’s commands, His occasional moans of approval, and His voice low and sensual as He said several times, “Ahhh, that’s it…that’s right!” as i moved and twitched and moaned in pain and approval.
All i could hear was His voice, the swish of the flogger and it’s slap against my ass…over and over. And of course the clanging of the restraint clips as they pulled against the metal bench to which i was shackled. i felt the sting of the flogger on my skin. i could see nothing. my head swam with confusion at first, then i felt an ever deeper connection with my Dom – as if W/we were in sync with each other. i lost track of time; i was floating in a kind of out of body experience. i knew what was happening and where i was but, at times it didn’t feel it was real. i must admit that as a novice i had two brief mind intrusions with a little voice in my head saying, “what the fuck am i doing?”. But, they were short lived thoughts and I didn’t need to use a safe word to end the session out of shame or guilt.
All these thoughts, feelings, emotions and sensations culminated in what I now believe was my sub Headspace experience. i had the same feeling of having reached sub Headspace when I was with that Dom another time.
The other Master
Earlier i mentioned having 1/2 a BDSM session. i just described the first and eluded to the second. So where and how does one have a third short or 1/2 session? I guess you could say using a safe word could end a session prematurely. In my instance of the half session, i first allowed myself to endure a period of public humiliation outside a coffeehouse that had been ordered by a different Master before ever having met him in person. RED Flag! – ignored. i did a couple more things he ordered. RED FLAGS! – again ignored. i was really, actually enjoying His Dominance, His German accent and the way He commanded my attention. My reaching for subspace ended abruptly after i exposed my back in the men’s room and He unexpectedly struck me twice with His belt. i quickly turned to face Him and said, “not here!” as He was about to swing the belt a third time. i dressed and left a few seconds after Him keeping my head bowed in case anyone had heard the loud whack coming from the restroom. If He hadn’t been so nonchalant about wielding His unsafe and illegal commands, and having little to no respect for me by having me nearly caught with my proverbial pants down, I truly think He could have put me in a really light and enjoyable subspace.
subspace – floating, out of body sensation, flying, a high from all the Endorphins being released in the brain, surreal, hypnotic state.
my sessions left me craving more…a longer, more intense session next time as the hour long sessions seemed but a few minutes.
However, what i have described is my experience of subspace. Everyone who actually experiences it, and many may not, will probably describe it in a different way than i did. And there are some who probably experience it but can’t articulate the sensation at all.
Those who don’t feel anything different except the physical sensations may not be fully present in the session – they may not be emotionally connected or physically attracted to the Dom or Master; they may mentally be thinking of kids, money, errands that need to be done, or even, when will this be over. They may feel time is moving slow. This is a bad scene that hopefully only happens with a new, inexperienced play partner, or at a particularly stressful time in the subs life.
This is my attempt to explain something in words that truly must be experienced! Hope you find you own subspace soon.
Thanks for reading,
Oh, soon i will tell you about my experiences with RED FLAGS (am I color blind?)
Safe Words (where is one when you need it)