Is There Balance in Y/your Life?


Recently i did a questionnaire online that measures your balance in Life.  This is something i think about frequently…every time i drive by a gym, balance the checkbook, sign up for another online course, plan a vacation, or go to another appointment with one of my doctors.  What i found is that i have no balance!

How about you?  Do you have balance in each of these 8 categories?  

What i do is put numbers 1 to 5 equidistant starting with #1 at the inside circle.  #1 could be:  not addressed at all in my life – area of concern or N/A if that is even possible.  

#2 poor – needs significant evaluation 

#3 fair – not bad, but could use some attention 

#4 good – doing pretty good

#5 excellent – totally balanced in this category.  Keep up the good work
Okay? So, what’s this got to do with BDSM and Kink?

i believe Leather, BDSM & Kink can and probably does extend to most if not all of these categories.  

Life Planning

Finances – hopefully Y/you have adequate and a stable income and are comfortable, and on safe housing.  Leather is expensive as are the implements used for pain and pleasure.  Also, consider the money Y/you spend in bars, for admittance to play parties, and travel to national or international Leather contests, and other weeklong events for the BDSM community. 

Time Management 

Y/you must balance Y/your home life and career, as well as setting aside the time for learning new BDSM skills and for actual play.  Y/you can set goals for what you want or need to do; what you want to accomplish in the realm of Leather and BDSM.  Also there are considerations regarding changing jobs, moving to a new city, changes in income or in family dynamics.  Have Y/you thought about aging as a Dom or sub?  How will aging effect Y/your play, your desirability and feelings about Y/your looks changing?  

Let me tell Y/you- aging in the gay community is hard, very hard.  It is youth and attractiveness driven in most of the sub communities.  As an aging submissive i can attest to the fact that it is very hard to find a Dom or Master – younger or older.  Aging Doms as well as younger Doms have it much easier than older subs, because there are SO MANY subs out there.  Doms can practically pick any sub they want!  Also, mature Doms (Daddies) are sought out by submissives for they looks and experience in the BDSM community.


i have heard and read that BDSM can have a spiritual component for some M/men while playing.  Spirituality also encompasses life purpose, stewardship within the Leather BDSM community and O/one’s morals and ethics.


It is always better to be physically fit, eat healthy, reduce stress, and living as healthy as possible.  There is a high prevalence of HIV in the gay community.  W/we must take personal responsibility as HIV positive M/men when playing.  No one wants to infect another person, so take precautions and learn about disinfecting Y/your toys.  Learn about PREP which decreases likelihood of transmitting HIV.  Moreover, since some BDSM activities are dangerous and can cause harm or injuries, Y/your life and health could be significantly impacted.  Have emergency and first aid equipment readily available, just in case…


How does Y/your Leather BDSM life intersect with Y/your work life.  Are Y/you out at work?  Does Y/your lifestyle effect Y/your career plans?  If Y/you consider BDSM as work Y/you have to develop the necessary skills as well as leadership abilities.  boys can be and are leaders in many communities.  submissives look to their Dom to be assertive and the leader in play and in an established household.


The Leather BDSM community relies heavily on friends and community, because of the stigma and fear people have regarding the M/men and W/women who participate in BDSM activities.  Also, the community is a small (or is it) subset of the general population.  Friends and community mean a great deal to us.


This life balance category has to do with life long learning (BDSM) and skills development.  Furthermore, It includes reading , self esteem and general fulfillment in life and in the Leather BDSM community.


Art and music in general and bar music and erotic pictures of hot Leather M/men. literature- learn Leather history, read about BDSM activities and how to become a better Dom/Master or submissive. Travel could be a vanilla type vacation or a trip to IML or CLAW, etc.  keep your sense of humor – laugh at mishaps (non injurious) in the Dungeon.  Have fun and enjoy Y/your BDSM play and life in Leather.

Family (birth or chosen)

How does Y/your lifestyle effect or intersect with Y/your parents, children, spouse and other relatives?  Are you out to them about your kinky sex practices?  i included spouse in the list because i am in a long, long term vanilla relationship.  I’ve been a closet Leather sub for many years, but because of a really difficult year i decided to work toward coming out.  All was well and good – spouse not yet aware of my proclivities.  Then a text message inadvertently meant for a BDSM friend was actually sent to my spouse.  To say he exploded is an understatement.  We are still somewhat estranged.  But i have continued and increased my coming out, making more friends, going to Leather events and classes and no longer hiding my growing Leather BDSM library.

Me…well i am about a 2 or 3 on every one of the eight Life Balance categories.  i consider myself a work in progress.  i am praying for a better 2017 than 2016 has been.  

Work to get Y/your life in better balance.  Y/your mind and body will thank you.

Thanks for reading,

boy stray 

If Y/you are in the Fort Lauderdale area checkout the new BDSM Social and Mentoring Meetup i am putting together.  It’s on

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