i wrote about my attempting to develop a Master/slave relationship with The Master. I was checking in daily with Him as ordered, but hadn’t gotten a response till this afternoon. He ordered me to send a full front torso picture, which i did.
He did not respond. I messaged him three times over the next 18 minutes. The system indicated He had looked at the picture.
What does that mean? i immediately turned it inward and felt judged, rejected, and embarrassed. i went immediately to self body shaming. Then after a few hours i turned it around. Perhaps He was called away from His computer or phone due to work or family responsibilities. Maybe there was a loss of power due to winter storms.
Or maybe i was rejected because of my body.
i have been dumped from conversations before online after sending pics. Now, i am not ugly! My body is a bit…a little thick in the torso from having HIV for 33 years. (Maybe i will tell you more about that later). My legs and arms are a bit thin but not skeletal. i know i need to go to the gym and not just drive by them, and i will soon. But, all in all i look pretty good for what i have been through. This year alone was extremely difficult. (More later).
Back to this Master. At first when i didn’t get a response i apologized for my body appearance. The next message was a short explanation of my body. The last one I proclaimed my pride in my looks. If He has no further contact with me so be it. If He does contact me again…well, i will be grateful for His attention and our continued vetting of each other.
i do hope He is a bigger and better man than the impression i was left with today. Trying hard not to jump to conclusions too quickly.
i would love to hear Y/your comments, questions and if Y/you have suggestions or constructive criticism please share that in the comments section or PM me any time.
Thanks for reading,