Day 6: What do you feel are the roots of your submission? Do you think it has something to do with childhood?
Is it a relationship management tool as in the practice of domestic discipline?
Is it a sexual thrill or something else?
30 January 2017 – The roots of my submission were ingrained in me by life experiences as a child and through conditioning as an adult. That is what created the submissive that i am.
As a child i was horribly shy, socially backward, and never seemed to know what to say or do. In steps my mother who was controlling and domineering. She told me what to say, what to do, how to act…there was NO arguing or disagreeing with mother. i didn’t need to make decisions or initiate anything on my own, because i was told everything that guided my life.
She could fly into a rage with little provocation. She would grab the nearest tree limb or coat hanger or belt to release her anger and frighten me into submission. my brother was more defiant and resisted her aggression as he grew older. i became the best boy there ever was. Never did anything on my own…or at least never got caught.
When I grew to my gay adulthood I had a boyfriend i played with occasionally. Once while in the throws of passion he hit me in the face with his fist. Hard but not really hard. i asked why he did that. He said, “I thought you’d like it.” i kept going back to him for a while…he had a beard, was good looking, tall and really well hung. Everything i like in a man who is in me! But he never struck me again.
Another man had a real tit torture fetish. He’d practically make them bleed. And believe me he worked them so hard i thought of him every time my nipples brushed against my shirt for several days afterward.
There was another man who slapped my ass when fucking. i liked his brand of kinky fucking a lot. He became known to my friends and me as “Spanky.”
Those are the sources of my submissiveness and my conditioning to become a BDSM Kinky bottom boy.
It really has nothing to do with my current or future relationships.
It is however a sexual, emotional and psychological thrill, a yearning, a need to be used by a Dominant man.
Day seven tomorrow.
Thanks for reading