30 Days to Define your Kink as a submissive 

This morning i can’t sleep yet again.  It’s 3:45 a.m.  My dogs woke me up as they do quite often at this time, and that means i am awake at least a couple hours.  i like Blogging when i wake up, but i have to be careful to double check my writing for nonsensical phrases and for typos – those that i make, and those auto correct changes inaccurately.

Today i will answer two questions again.  
Day 17:  Trust.  What does trust mean to you in the context of submission?

Trust is a vital element in any relationship, but i think even more so in BDSM.   Both the Dom and the sub need to establish trust through openness, honesty, and detailed communication.  Since BDSM is a full on contact activity that can induce pain, bruises, abrasions, and bleeding as well as intense emotional reactions the people involved must be able to develop a trusting relationship even if it only lasts through the scene.  The sub must be able to trust that the Dom will not deliberately hurt them.  They must trust the Dom will lessen intensity or stop all action if a safe word is used by the sub.  Both the Dom and sub need to trust that the other will not expose them deliberately to HIV, Hepatitis, or any other STD.  Each person must trust that all toys and equipment have been cleaned thoroughly before play.  Prior to the scene the sub should express a need for aftercare during and after the play session and trust the Dom will provide it as agreed on.  

And, each needs to trust that the other person is willingly participating and that they will bring excitement, enthusiasm and sensuality into the session.  

Trust is the key to an enjoyable play scene.

Day 18: Very often the stereotype of submission is that the submissive person loses the ability to have an opinion. While that clearly isn’t true except in the absolute rarest of occasions, how does communication factor into your submission and how do you communicate your desires and needs?

When i began to delve into the BDSM Leather community i fervently believed a real sub would never disagree with or contradict what the Dom says or does.  It’s amazing to look back at old journal entries to see how much i have grown and changed over the years.  i still believe the sub must be respectful always of their Doms opinions but that a sub can disagree and voice their own opinion.  Always maintaining respect especially in front of other Doms and subs!  Disrespecting or dishonoring your Dom reflects poorly on Y/you both.  you for being insolent and the Dom for allowing such behavior.  

The desires and needs of the sub must be discussed before any action occurs during the open dialogue about those activities Y/you will and won’t do, Y/your hard limits, contractual specifics, and in working to develop trust between all parties involved.  During a play session the sub can express their needs and desires by vocalizing moans, groans and other noises that demonstrate the sub is enjoying the activity.  Also, i observed once a sub being struck on the back by a bullwhip.  He verbalized “Thank You Sir” each time a sting of pain/pleasure hit him.  It could be agreed prior to play that the sub could say that phrase to indicate the activity is going well and enjoying the play.  And, if/when the sub begins to say it hesitantly or stops saying it altogether the Dom slows down or stops, and checks in verbally with the sub to see if that activity has become too painful.  Some subs may be reluctant to use a safe word thinking they will disappoint the Dom, show their inexperience or low pain threshold, or that they don’t want to acknowledge or otherwise show they are having an intense emotional reaction to the activity.  This is where the need for open communication is paramount for the people in the scene.

Establishing trust and having honest, open and direct communication about needs and desires prior to play is more likely to lead to a successful scene that both the Dom and the sub have thoroughly enjoyed.

30 Days to Define your Kink as a submissive  – Day 16

​Have you found your submission has changed with different partners/relationships?

Yes, every Dom has different experiences, preferences, and desires that the sub commits to with each new partner or relationship.




If you are involved with partners of both sexes does your submission relate to or change based on gender or does it depend on the person?

N/A

30 Days to Define your Kink as a submissive – Day 13

Sex and submission?  Now we’re talking!

Is sexual availability, being available to your partner any time he or she wants, part of your submission?

While it may be the dream of most submissives to be a sex slave available anytime your Dom wants, it really isn’t that practical for subs or their Doms for that matter.  One must take into account the likelihood of differing libidos.  Also important are the additional responsibilities of the sub such as full time work outside the home, housework, cooking, caring for children, and serving the Dom as He deserves.  It is hard to be available for sex when you are physically and emotionally drained by the end of each day.  It is hard also for gay men to be completely “clean” 24/7 in anticipation of Him wanting sex.  

It is my hope that i would be able to respond sensuously every time He made a sexual move or made a request, or just pressed His erect penis against me.  That would be my goal.  But, meeting His every need anytime He wants it would be most difficult for most subs.

But, yes sexual availability is a part of my submission.
Why or why not?

It is my belief that the sub should be able to meet all the needs of his Dom including sexual availability. subs don’t sign on for doing tasks and caring for the Dom only when they feel like it.  Personally i wouldn’t think it appropriate to tell your Dom that you’ll do the dishes, or feed the dogs/children, take out the garbage or even satisfying Him tomorrow because you don’t feel like doing it now.
Are there limits to this?

Extreme fatigue or illness would limit the ability of the sub to fulfill this duty.  Otherwise i believe every sub should strive for sexual availability anytime their Dom wants it.

30 Days to Define your Kink as a submissive – Days 14 & 15

Day 14 – Today, i decided to answer two questions because number 14 is really easy to answer.
Does religion have any bearing on your decision to submit?

No
If not, are you familiar with religious based submission and do you view it as similar to other types of submission or dissimilar?

Don’t know enough about it to have an answer for you.

Day 15 – Has your submission evolved over time?

Yes i can say that it has.  

If so, how has it evolved for you?

Back in the day…1979, it was about the look of a hot man in Leather…the hyper-masculinity.  While in that gay Mecca a guy tried fisting me but was unsuccessful. Also there was an instance of piss play.  

Then, on returning to my hometown i played with candles, needles, poppers and genital torture a couple times.

So, i wouldn’t say i was submissive but more kinky. When i fully claimed my proud bottom-ness i began to realize that i was truly a submissive. 

Now, i am working toward total submission to a Dom, but if that doesn’t happen i will be content to just being a submissive in play only.

i really would like to work on becoming a real service sub and to increase my tolerance & find my limit with pain.

If not (or if you are just starting out) how might you see or imagine it evolving in the future?

N/A


30 Days to Define your Kink as a submissive 

Do you include service as a part of your expectations of your submission?
Yes, very much.


How do you define service?
Service is doing those mundane menial chores that Sir needs to have done to free His mind and time from thinking about His to do list and actually taking His time to run those errands.  Service means anticipation of Sir’s needs to performing those tasks before He even has to think about them.

Service duties are, or should be, a part of the negotiations prior to entering into a D/s relationship.  This is the time to verbalized your limits in terms of being a service oriented submissive.  As i mentioned in an earlier post, i abhor housekeeping.  i don’t like mopping, vacuuming, or dusting hundreds of little tchotchkes.  i would negotiate for a cleaning service twice monthly to do the hard work and deep cleaning.

What does it mean to you?
Service means overtly showing your respect for your Dom by knowing what He routinely does or needs and taking care of it for Him.  To me it is the essence of being a submissive. 

If not, what is it about the concept of service that is not for you?

N/A

30 Days to Define your Kink as a submissive  – Day 10

Does any element of BDSM occur as a part of your submissive relationships?

This is a really difficult question to respond to.  First, i am not in a submissive “relationship” at this but if this question uses that term to include friends, Doms in the community, and acquaintances then i can say yes.  my interaction with any Dom is one of submissiveness.  However, there have been only a few actual BDSM play sessions. In those instances where i have been with a Dom, yes BDSM was always a major part of the interaction.  

i always treat Doms and Masters with the utmost respect.
How do you feel about BDSM?

As that jingle goes, “i like it, i love it, i want some more of it.”
Is it core to your submission, peripheral or non-existent (other than the submission part)?

i would say now it is peripheral.  It is on the sidelines waiting for those golden opportunities to actually play with a Dom.  In the meantime, i read, study, write my Blog posts, and associate with other subs in the hope that i will get more opportunities to play as i become more of a familiar face in the gay, Leather, BDSM, Kink community.

Will, Won’t or Maybe Monday 

Today i am only writing an addendum to last Monday’s post on anal fisting.  i left out critical information for those of you who are new to the idea of anal sex or anal fisting.  And that is the importance of properly cleaning out the lower colon and rectum inside the anus.

No one, well…most people would not want there to be any accidents or surprises with fecal material appearing in the middle of Y/your play session.

The best thing i did was to read and watch videos about preparing for anal sex.  But, just to introduce the topic a bit, basically what i do is moderate my diet/food intake about 6 to 12 hours before the expected play time.  i don’t over eat and don’t eat bulky foods or foods that produce a lot of intestinal gas.

i use an enema bag with warm water… not hot!  Lubricate the nozzle and insert the nozzle a few inches into the rectum and slowly let the water run by gravity into the lower colon and rectal area. i hold the water as long as i can then expel it into the toliet. i repeat a couple times with small amounts of water until the water is clear of fecal matter when expelled.  i do this about 3 hours before the date.  Then, i repeat the process about an hour later with a small amount of water to clean out any stool that was brought down by the movement of the intestines and the initial enemas done previously.  i only do it once this time with a small amount of water. Doing this enough time before the date will allow any excess water to absorb into the body so water is not expelled during the play.

Some people use a saline enema that can be purchased in a pharmacy or most grocery stores.  The benefit is that it is small, predetermined amount of water and it contains a solution that assists with cleaning out the rectum.  i use these sometimes but i feel like i am not “clean” enough for anal sex after a saline enema.  But that’s just me.

Now, this is something else i do but i am not recomending it or telling you to follow what i do.

I take a couple anti diarrhea pills before the “date.”  This seems to help slow down the peristolsis, or rhythmical movement of the intestine, that pushes the stool toward the rectum.  i might be a bit constipated the next day, but at least i didn’t poop on my Dom!

And of course shower and thoroughly clean the area with lots of soapy water.

This is probably more information than you ever wanted to know, but it is imperative for any submissive or bottom boy to learn to completely empty the rectum before playing.

If Y/you have any questions please feel free to ask.
Thanks for reading,

boy stray

A boy’s Bill of Rights

Here are the Boy’s Bill of Rights. This was NOT written by me but years ago. I do NOT know who composed this!

BOY’S BILL OF RIGHTS



1. Every boy has the right to have his body, intellect, and emotions protected by his Dom.
2. Every boy has the right to choose the man whom he serves and to discontinue that service and take his leave without being subjected to physical, mental, or emotional abuse.
3. Every boy has the right to be cared for, disciplined appropriately, and allowed to feel pride in his submission.
4. Every boy has the right to protected sex if he so wishes.
5. Every boy has the right to privacy if he so wishes. No boy can be blackmailed, publicly humiliated, or physically coerced into service without his expressed desire to be so.
6. Every boy has the right to defend himself from physical, sexual, and emotional abuse.
7. Every boy has the right to consent or not to consent to sexual activities.
8. Every boy has the right to seek refuge, counsel, and advice from other subs and Doms without the expectation of sex, money, or any other service in return.
9. Every boy has the right to a physically and emotionally available circle of friends.
10. Every boy has the right to protect his own possessions and finances against intercession, theft, and non-consensual acquisition.