30 Days to Define your Kink as a submissive – Day 13

Sex and submission?  Now we’re talking!

Is sexual availability, being available to your partner any time he or she wants, part of your submission?

While it may be the dream of most submissives to be a sex slave available anytime your Dom wants, it really isn’t that practical for subs or their Doms for that matter.  One must take into account the likelihood of differing libidos.  Also important are the additional responsibilities of the sub such as full time work outside the home, housework, cooking, caring for children, and serving the Dom as He deserves.  It is hard to be available for sex when you are physically and emotionally drained by the end of each day.  It is hard also for gay men to be completely “clean” 24/7 in anticipation of Him wanting sex.  

It is my hope that i would be able to respond sensuously every time He made a sexual move or made a request, or just pressed His erect penis against me.  That would be my goal.  But, meeting His every need anytime He wants it would be most difficult for most subs.

But, yes sexual availability is a part of my submission.
Why or why not?

It is my belief that the sub should be able to meet all the needs of his Dom including sexual availability. subs don’t sign on for doing tasks and caring for the Dom only when they feel like it.  Personally i wouldn’t think it appropriate to tell your Dom that you’ll do the dishes, or feed the dogs/children, take out the garbage or even satisfying Him tomorrow because you don’t feel like doing it now.
Are there limits to this?

Extreme fatigue or illness would limit the ability of the sub to fulfill this duty.  Otherwise i believe every sub should strive for sexual availability anytime their Dom wants it.

30 Days to Define your Kink as a submissive – Days 14 & 15

Day 14 – Today, i decided to answer two questions because number 14 is really easy to answer.
Does religion have any bearing on your decision to submit?

No
If not, are you familiar with religious based submission and do you view it as similar to other types of submission or dissimilar?

Don’t know enough about it to have an answer for you.

Day 15 – Has your submission evolved over time?

Yes i can say that it has.  

If so, how has it evolved for you?

Back in the day…1979, it was about the look of a hot man in Leather…the hyper-masculinity.  While in that gay Mecca a guy tried fisting me but was unsuccessful. Also there was an instance of piss play.  

Then, on returning to my hometown i played with candles, needles, poppers and genital torture a couple times.

So, i wouldn’t say i was submissive but more kinky. When i fully claimed my proud bottom-ness i began to realize that i was truly a submissive. 

Now, i am working toward total submission to a Dom, but if that doesn’t happen i will be content to just being a submissive in play only.

i really would like to work on becoming a real service sub and to increase my tolerance & find my limit with pain.

If not (or if you are just starting out) how might you see or imagine it evolving in the future?

N/A


30 Days to Define your Kink as a submissive  – Day 10

Does any element of BDSM occur as a part of your submissive relationships?

This is a really difficult question to respond to.  First, i am not in a submissive “relationship” at this but if this question uses that term to include friends, Doms in the community, and acquaintances then i can say yes.  my interaction with any Dom is one of submissiveness.  However, there have been only a few actual BDSM play sessions. In those instances where i have been with a Dom, yes BDSM was always a major part of the interaction.  

i always treat Doms and Masters with the utmost respect.
How do you feel about BDSM?

As that jingle goes, “i like it, i love it, i want some more of it.”
Is it core to your submission, peripheral or non-existent (other than the submission part)?

i would say now it is peripheral.  It is on the sidelines waiting for those golden opportunities to actually play with a Dom.  In the meantime, i read, study, write my Blog posts, and associate with other subs in the hope that i will get more opportunities to play as i become more of a familiar face in the gay, Leather, BDSM, Kink community.

Will, Won’t or Maybe Monday 

Today i am only writing an addendum to last Monday’s post on anal fisting.  i left out critical information for those of you who are new to the idea of anal sex or anal fisting.  And that is the importance of properly cleaning out the lower colon and rectum inside the anus.

No one, well…most people would not want there to be any accidents or surprises with fecal material appearing in the middle of Y/your play session.

The best thing i did was to read and watch videos about preparing for anal sex.  But, just to introduce the topic a bit, basically what i do is moderate my diet/food intake about 6 to 12 hours before the expected play time.  i don’t over eat and don’t eat bulky foods or foods that produce a lot of intestinal gas.

i use an enema bag with warm water… not hot!  Lubricate the nozzle and insert the nozzle a few inches into the rectum and slowly let the water run by gravity into the lower colon and rectal area. i hold the water as long as i can then expel it into the toliet. i repeat a couple times with small amounts of water until the water is clear of fecal matter when expelled.  i do this about 3 hours before the date.  Then, i repeat the process about an hour later with a small amount of water to clean out any stool that was brought down by the movement of the intestines and the initial enemas done previously.  i only do it once this time with a small amount of water. Doing this enough time before the date will allow any excess water to absorb into the body so water is not expelled during the play.

Some people use a saline enema that can be purchased in a pharmacy or most grocery stores.  The benefit is that it is small, predetermined amount of water and it contains a solution that assists with cleaning out the rectum.  i use these sometimes but i feel like i am not “clean” enough for anal sex after a saline enema.  But that’s just me.

Now, this is something else i do but i am not recomending it or telling you to follow what i do.

I take a couple anti diarrhea pills before the “date.”  This seems to help slow down the peristolsis, or rhythmical movement of the intestine, that pushes the stool toward the rectum.  i might be a bit constipated the next day, but at least i didn’t poop on my Dom!

And of course shower and thoroughly clean the area with lots of soapy water.

This is probably more information than you ever wanted to know, but it is imperative for any submissive or bottom boy to learn to completely empty the rectum before playing.

If Y/you have any questions please feel free to ask.
Thanks for reading,

boy stray

Will, Won’t or Maybe Monday

This week i will be reaching a bit to do each of these activities justice.  Personally i have very limited experience with these. So, let’s begin…

Electricity 

i have experienced electricity play once.  The Dom i was playing with wanted me to experience several different types of play all in one session.  He inserted an electrified dildo up my butt, and increased the intensity slowly.  It felt alternatingly stimulating and then painful, and back again.  Not sure why put it kept popping out, so He would reinsert it.  He did that several times.  i was cuffed and blindfolded so the only thing i sensed was hearing and feeling.  There was nothing to smell or taste.  Then, all of a sudden there was a power surge and my asshole felt like a thousand knives were being shoved in and out pulsating rapidly.  It hurt so intensely that a safe word didn’t enter my mind.  i instantly jumped up as far as i could, pulled against the ankle and wrist cuffs, and yelled, “stop, stop, that hurts!”  By then He had turned it off.  i was afraid to try it again until i attended a class on electro play.  Now i am willing to try it, but will really need to trust that the Dom is extremely knowledgeable and experienced in opening the electrical system.

Examination (Physical/Medical Play)

Once i had an allergy doctor who i sensed was gay although he was married.  He was at least twenty five years older than me, and I was in my mid twenties at the time.  He asked about medical history and any health issues i might have.  i mentioned swollen lymph nodes in my groin.  He asked if he could examine me.  Of course i said yes; he was a sexy older man, and a doctor!  i lowered my pants and instantly got an erection.  With that response he lingered a bit longer than he probably should have, asking me questions, my pants around my ankles and a boner pointing right at him.  We made a connection and i returned several times to be examined and to even “examine” his big fat uncut dick.  

Doctor Play had always been a fantasy of mine, so every time i have a good looking doctor i try to get them to have me drop my pants.  Very hot fantasy…come true.


Exercise – Forced

This activity on the checklist is one i would not submit to.  Some Doms force their subs to workout very hard pushing beyond their limits.  This can be done as a form of punishment or when a Dom wants His sub to lose weight, bulk up, or just to exert control over His sub.  I don’t dislike working out, but know my limit…my point of muscle fatigue and can’t push beyond that point.  

Exhibitionism – Friends/Strangers

Exhibitionism involves risky behaviors that can be illegal if one exposes himself to strangers or has sex where strangers can see what is happening.  Exposing oneself to friends is not likely to lead to arrest. It most likely will be surprising, maybe titillating, or even a funny, laughable event.  

Exhibitionism of course does not have to include genital exposure or sex.  It could be anything that might be shocking, or provocative, or even gross and disgusting, or embarrassing.  

Personally i don’t mind my friends and associates/acquaintances to see my exhibitionism if they are open to it.  But that’s as far as i will go.  

Eye Contact Restriction

This activity is one i do a great deal when meeting or interacting with a Dom i do not know, or know well.  Some Doms will tell you to look at them, and others may tell you NOT to look them in the eyes.  With Doms i feel it is a sign of respect as a submissive.  However in my non Leather life i maintain eye contact very easily with everyone i speak with.  While this is my personal opinion and how i approach Doms, i have never had anyone in the lifestyle tell me what is expected or what is protocol in these situations.

Face Slapping

This is another form of impact play.  It can be done hard, or more softly, to get a subs attention or to correct behavior or for discipline.  i don’t mind being slapped just so it is not hard enough to loosen or knock out a tooth.  Previously i mentioned being hit in the face by a trick i played with repeatedly.  He didn’t slap…he used his fist.  Didn’t really like that much.

Farting 

Ok, i even hate the word fart.  To me it is crude and describes something i would just as soon not hear or smell coming out of me or anyone else.  But, it is a kink that some people have.  i suppose it is akin to the kink of scat play.  It’s not my kink, but if it is yours that’s great.

Fisting – Anal

i love anal play and nearly everything having to do with the ass.  i love getting fucked, fingered, and inserting various sizes of dildos.  i love rimming a hot man’s ass.  The one thing i have not accomplished anally is being fisted.  There has been three attempts.  None got much beyond several fingers.  i have read and been told it is the ultimate anal sensation.  Once you get fisted nothing else compares.  It has to be undertaken slowly and carefully, and preferably not while on drugs or being drunk.  Pain during fisting is likely at first but is an indicator that something needs to be adjusted.  More lube, slower, take a break, whatever.  Drugs and alcohol dampen sensations and you may not get a pain signal saying back off a bit for a while.  Real damage and injury can occur when fisting is undertaken with an inexperienced Top, or done too quickly, at the wrong angle, and without enough lube.  
Just want to say these are my opinions alone, and aren’t meant to pass judgment on any activity or on those who like activities that personally don’t with me.  
Have fun, be safe!

30 Days to Define your Kink as a submissive – Day 8

Is spanking or corporal punishment a part of your submission? Why or why not?

This is not a question that affords a black or white response.  There is plenty of gray area.  Spanking can be fun and pleasurably painful for the submissive.  Would a Dom use something like spanking to punish a sub who likes spanking?    That could potentially turn the sub off to spanking scenes since it now would have a negative connotation to it.  Wouldn’t it be better to either deny spanking or punish with something the sub dislikes doing or having done to them. i talked about this in a previous 30 Days post.

The punishment needs to be timely, appropriate for the infraction, something that reinforces positive behavior & adhering to the Dom’s rules, and something the sub does not enjoy in some form or another.  

i did a web search for punishments and found a site: http://www.pleasepunish.me

It is fun site in that it has a button that generates a good, interesting, appropriate and new form of punishment for each infraction or mistake made by the sub.  That way You don’t have to worry about what to do next time he breaks a rule, talks back, makes a mistake or embarrasses You or himself in public.  There are more than enough punishments listed to use whenever you need one, but if Your sub needs that much punishment it may be time to reconsider that arrangement or relationship.


Thanks for reading,

boy stray

30 Days to Define your Kink as a submissive 

Day 6: What do you feel are the roots of your submission?  Do you think it has something to do with childhood?

Is it a relationship management tool as in the practice of domestic discipline?

Is it a sexual thrill or something else?
30 January 2017 – The roots of my submission were ingrained in me by life experiences as a child and through conditioning as an adult.  That is what created the submissive that i am.

As a child i was horribly shy, socially backward, and never seemed to know what to say or do.  In steps my mother who was controlling and domineering.  She told me what to say, what to do, how to act…there was NO arguing or disagreeing with mother.  i didn’t need to make decisions or initiate anything on my own, because i was told everything that guided my life.  

She could fly into a rage with little provocation.  She would grab the nearest tree limb or coat hanger or belt to release her anger and frighten me into submission.  my brother was more defiant and resisted her aggression as he grew older.  i became the best boy there ever was.  Never did anything on my own…or at least never got caught.

When I grew to my gay adulthood I had a boyfriend i played with occasionally.  Once while in the throws of passion he hit me in the face with his fist.  Hard but not really hard.  i asked why he did that.  He said, “I thought you’d like it.”  i kept going back to him for a while…he had a beard, was good looking, tall and really well hung.  Everything i like in a man who is in me!  But he never struck me again.

Another man had a real tit torture fetish.  He’d practically make them bleed.  And believe me he worked them so hard i thought of him every time my nipples brushed against my shirt for several days afterward.

There was another man who slapped my ass when fucking.  i liked his brand of kinky fucking a lot.  He became known to my friends and me as “Spanky.”

Those are the sources of my submissiveness and my conditioning to become a BDSM Kinky bottom boy.

It really has nothing to do with my current or future relationships.

It is however a sexual, emotional and psychological thrill, a yearning, a need to be used by a Dominant man.

Day seven tomorrow.

Thanks for reading

boy stray 

Kinky Erotic Photo Shoot

Today i went to a professional, discreet photographer to have updated and more edgy pictures to use on a couple BDSM Kink hookup sites.  This photographer did two previous shoots with me.  He is extremely good at his craft and had a variety of things to spice up the shoot.

At first was the obligatory G rated head shots in a nice shirt and jeans.  It progressed quickly to a leather vest, leather suspenders, wrists and ankles in leather cuffs, leather blindfold, gagged with a knotted red bandanna, gagged with a leather bit, jocks, assless underwear, and of course full nudes.  At one point i was nude with leather cuffs on and he shackled me to a heavy chain suspended from the ceiling.  i was blindfolded and gagged.  

my cock wasn’t “full” enough so he began fluffing with gentle strokes, squeezing my cock hard and then came the CBT.  With each tap of the balls the impact grew harder making my knees weak with excitement.  I guess my dick grew sufficiently hard because the CBT ended…unfortunately.  Previously he moved my head to be in a good position with a light guidance with his hands, now he intensified the guidance to a rough forceful shove for positioning of my head and body. 

As i stood there, shackled to the ceiling, blindfolded, gagged, nipple clamps on, i wanted him to cease being a professional photographer and become a seasoned Dom who wanted nothing more than to subject me to every sort of control and to induce a heightening of the pain…i wanted to be flogged, pissed on, bit, slapped, spit on, and something shoved up my ass.  But, alas he was a professional.

He must have taken a hundred pictures.  We looked at them all.  Deleted some on the first pass, then continued to weed out more in deference to the best, sexiest, edgiest, and most exciting poses.  I settled on 9 photos.  It’ll take a few days to get to final pictures and when I do I’ll upload a couple that are edgy but not too revealing.

Also, i decided the other day to get personal cards made professionally that introduce me as my BDSM submissive persona, boy stray.  i have never seen anyone hand out a strictly BDSM Kink oriented business or personal card, but thought it could be handy and a good way to make a first impression and to be remembered.  If Y/you are involved in a community, serve as a mentor or educator Y/you too may want to get a calling card.  Just a thought.

Thanks for reading, 

boy stray
By the way, that is not me in the above photo.

Will, Won’t or Maybe Mondays 

As we continue down the checklist i am including most of the activities possible between consenting adults.  Today we’ll look at four that i have knowledge, experience, and a fondness for, and one that is not my kink at all.

Cock Worship

What can i say about cock worship?  i have done it since the first one i tasted when i was twenty years old.  Cock worship is more than simply cock sucking.  To worship cock you must afford it reverence, respect, adulation.  you approach a cock the way you would a religious shrine.  Some apprehension and reflection on the beauty and power that manifests in that Dom’s cock.  your ultimate goal and desire is to service that cock in the manner such a powerful piece of flesh demands.  you take your time with it.  And when He shoots His load, the essence of life and humanity, you do not spit it out.  you gratefully accept it into your body with deep appreciation.

That is Cock Worship!

Collars

A collar is a device of any material that is worn around the neck of the submissive during play.  However, more importantly, the collar is a symbol worn by a submissive denoting that they are in a D/s relationship and/or are owned.  Some Masters and Doms will conduct a formal collaring ceremony either privately or sharing the occasion with friends and community.  Also, there are collars of consideration and training collars.  Collars are not a piece of jewelry to be touched and fondled by other people.  Remember respect in the BDSM Kink community is very important.  Always ask if you can look closer or touch it.  Be prepared to hear a NO.  If you see someone who is collared it is appropriate to speak to the Dom first and ask if it is okay to speak with or hug the submissive person.  Again, respect.  You are acknowledging the Dom’s position in community and in that relationship.  Usually the collar is locked onto the sub’s neck, and the Dom holds the key.  If the D/s relationship ends, the collar is removed by the Dom.  Recently i attended a memorial service where I learned when a submissive dies it is important to treat the collar with reverence and that it can be placed in an honored position in the home of the Dom or the caregiver if that person is a member of the Leather community.  A collar has great significance and deserves your respect.

Cuffs

Cuffs are exciting, exhilarating pieces of BDSM equipment.  As i have related in previous posts i submitted to being cuffed as recently as yesterday for an erotic photo shoot.  It is ultimate submission in my mind because you are giving complete power over to the Dom through an overt action that signifies ultimate trust in that Dom.

Once you are cuffed He has total control of you and can do anything He wants to you.  Trust must be established prior to this kind of submission.  i completely trusted my photographer.

Being cuffed yesterday put me immediately into a sub headspace.  My other senses heightened.  i knew what i hoped He would do as He held total power and control over me.  But, that’ll wait for another time and person.

Diapers

Some Doms and subs get into diaper play and infantilism.  The sub regresses to that stage in life when a baby is completely reliant on it’s parent or caregiver to meet its every need.  And one of those needs is to have their diaper put on, and to be changed when it is wet or soiled.  Players in this kink can be into urine play only or it could involve both piss and shit.

The only thing i can say in addition is, your kink may not be my kink, but your kink is OK!

Dildos

My best friends!  They are always stiff, just the right length and girth, and perpetually ready for action whenever the urge hits you.  No dinner, drinks or small talk with someone on a date that you hope will fuck you at the end of the evening.  No wondering if He is hung large enough; no wondering if he can get it up and keep it up; no wondering or dreading that He may be a two minute man.

Wake up horny?  Reach for the drawer in your nightstand.  Rough day at work?  Or your trick was a lousy lay?  The dildo is ever ready for hot action.  you don’t have to worry that it’ll cum to soon.  Whether you go deep, hard and fast, or slow and easy, the dildo meets your every need when you want to be penetrated.  I have two pink rubber ones, two inflatable ones of different sizes, and a curvy prostate massager.  All of these are different sizes, shapes and contours.

Stock up.  They can be your best friends too.


More next week.

Thanks for reading,

boy stray