30 Days to Define your Kink as a submissive – Day 9

 Do you accept and/or expect structure, rules and limits as a part of your submission? How do you feel about them?

Yes, that is a part of and a requirement of mine as a submissive.  i want an aggressive Dom, who sets structure, routine, rules, limits and expectations as an integral part of the D/s relationship.  Without those it would seem like a non D/s or vanilla relationship.  

There should be formal period of training.  A contract of agreements and expectations covering each individual in the relationship.  And punishment for breaking the rules, performing a task incorrectly and for insubordination and failure to observe protocol.

The Dom and sub can discuss, disagree, and renegotiate the contract but disrespect of either person is not allowed.

The Dom and sub will discuss and adhere to the Boy’s Bill of Rights.

Will, Won’t or Maybe Monday

This week i will be reaching a bit to do each of these activities justice.  Personally i have very limited experience with these. So, let’s begin…


i have experienced electricity play once.  The Dom i was playing with wanted me to experience several different types of play all in one session.  He inserted an electrified dildo up my butt, and increased the intensity slowly.  It felt alternatingly stimulating and then painful, and back again.  Not sure why put it kept popping out, so He would reinsert it.  He did that several times.  i was cuffed and blindfolded so the only thing i sensed was hearing and feeling.  There was nothing to smell or taste.  Then, all of a sudden there was a power surge and my asshole felt like a thousand knives were being shoved in and out pulsating rapidly.  It hurt so intensely that a safe word didn’t enter my mind.  i instantly jumped up as far as i could, pulled against the ankle and wrist cuffs, and yelled, “stop, stop, that hurts!”  By then He had turned it off.  i was afraid to try it again until i attended a class on electro play.  Now i am willing to try it, but will really need to trust that the Dom is extremely knowledgeable and experienced in opening the electrical system.

Examination (Physical/Medical Play)

Once i had an allergy doctor who i sensed was gay although he was married.  He was at least twenty five years older than me, and I was in my mid twenties at the time.  He asked about medical history and any health issues i might have.  i mentioned swollen lymph nodes in my groin.  He asked if he could examine me.  Of course i said yes; he was a sexy older man, and a doctor!  i lowered my pants and instantly got an erection.  With that response he lingered a bit longer than he probably should have, asking me questions, my pants around my ankles and a boner pointing right at him.  We made a connection and i returned several times to be examined and to even “examine” his big fat uncut dick.  

Doctor Play had always been a fantasy of mine, so every time i have a good looking doctor i try to get them to have me drop my pants.  Very hot fantasy…come true.

Exercise – Forced

This activity on the checklist is one i would not submit to.  Some Doms force their subs to workout very hard pushing beyond their limits.  This can be done as a form of punishment or when a Dom wants His sub to lose weight, bulk up, or just to exert control over His sub.  I don’t dislike working out, but know my limit…my point of muscle fatigue and can’t push beyond that point.  

Exhibitionism – Friends/Strangers

Exhibitionism involves risky behaviors that can be illegal if one exposes himself to strangers or has sex where strangers can see what is happening.  Exposing oneself to friends is not likely to lead to arrest. It most likely will be surprising, maybe titillating, or even a funny, laughable event.  

Exhibitionism of course does not have to include genital exposure or sex.  It could be anything that might be shocking, or provocative, or even gross and disgusting, or embarrassing.  

Personally i don’t mind my friends and associates/acquaintances to see my exhibitionism if they are open to it.  But that’s as far as i will go.  

Eye Contact Restriction

This activity is one i do a great deal when meeting or interacting with a Dom i do not know, or know well.  Some Doms will tell you to look at them, and others may tell you NOT to look them in the eyes.  With Doms i feel it is a sign of respect as a submissive.  However in my non Leather life i maintain eye contact very easily with everyone i speak with.  While this is my personal opinion and how i approach Doms, i have never had anyone in the lifestyle tell me what is expected or what is protocol in these situations.

Face Slapping

This is another form of impact play.  It can be done hard, or more softly, to get a subs attention or to correct behavior or for discipline.  i don’t mind being slapped just so it is not hard enough to loosen or knock out a tooth.  Previously i mentioned being hit in the face by a trick i played with repeatedly.  He didn’t slap…he used his fist.  Didn’t really like that much.


Ok, i even hate the word fart.  To me it is crude and describes something i would just as soon not hear or smell coming out of me or anyone else.  But, it is a kink that some people have.  i suppose it is akin to the kink of scat play.  It’s not my kink, but if it is yours that’s great.

Fisting – Anal

i love anal play and nearly everything having to do with the ass.  i love getting fucked, fingered, and inserting various sizes of dildos.  i love rimming a hot man’s ass.  The one thing i have not accomplished anally is being fisted.  There has been three attempts.  None got much beyond several fingers.  i have read and been told it is the ultimate anal sensation.  Once you get fisted nothing else compares.  It has to be undertaken slowly and carefully, and preferably not while on drugs or being drunk.  Pain during fisting is likely at first but is an indicator that something needs to be adjusted.  More lube, slower, take a break, whatever.  Drugs and alcohol dampen sensations and you may not get a pain signal saying back off a bit for a while.  Real damage and injury can occur when fisting is undertaken with an inexperienced Top, or done too quickly, at the wrong angle, and without enough lube.  
Just want to say these are my opinions alone, and aren’t meant to pass judgment on any activity or on those who like activities that personally don’t with me.  
Have fun, be safe!

30 Days to Define your Kink as a submissive – Day 8

Is spanking or corporal punishment a part of your submission? Why or why not?

This is not a question that affords a black or white response.  There is plenty of gray area.  Spanking can be fun and pleasurably painful for the submissive.  Would a Dom use something like spanking to punish a sub who likes spanking?    That could potentially turn the sub off to spanking scenes since it now would have a negative connotation to it.  Wouldn’t it be better to either deny spanking or punish with something the sub dislikes doing or having done to them. i talked about this in a previous 30 Days post.

The punishment needs to be timely, appropriate for the infraction, something that reinforces positive behavior & adhering to the Dom’s rules, and something the sub does not enjoy in some form or another.  

i did a web search for punishments and found a site: http://www.pleasepunish.me

It is fun site in that it has a button that generates a good, interesting, appropriate and new form of punishment for each infraction or mistake made by the sub.  That way You don’t have to worry about what to do next time he breaks a rule, talks back, makes a mistake or embarrasses You or himself in public.  There are more than enough punishments listed to use whenever you need one, but if Your sub needs that much punishment it may be time to reconsider that arrangement or relationship.

Thanks for reading,

boy stray

30 Days to Define your Kink as a submissive-day 7

Do you accept and/or expect discipline or punishments as a part of your submission? How do you feel about it?

1 February 2017 – Yes, i accept and expect discipline and punishments as part of my submission.  But, i believe a point of clarification needs to be made differentiating punishments from play.  Punishments are not an extension of play.  It is something that means to alter unsatisfactory behavior or for infraction of the rules established by the Dom.  Punishments are not meant to be fun enticements to sex or a play session.  Punishments can be physical or the taking away of a privilege or something very important to the submissive.  It is meant to sting or hurt a bit.  For example, if a sub enjoys spanking, the Dom may spank harder or use an implement the submissive does not enjoy.  The Dom may decrease or withhold phone r television privileges.  Or something i happened to just think of is cleaning every inch of the kitchen floor with a toothbrush.  Now that is what i would call a harsh punishment given my visceral hatred of housework.

If the punishment is too lite, enjoyed by the submissive or has a sexual connotation it will not correct behavior, but rather would encourage unwanted behaviors and infractions to continue or become more frequent.

In ads for subs seeking Doms, i frequently see a sub pleading to be punished.  To which i would say, that sub doesn’t have a clue about the Leather BDSM Kink lifestyle.  A sub shouldn’t want a true punishment.

In response to the second question about how i feel about discipline and punishments, i personally would do everything i could not to make a mistake or break a rule.  i would not want the painful and harsh punishment that would be administered swiftly.  i would hope my training prepared me well for my role in the D/s relationship, so i could meet all His expectations and anticipate all His needs without Him having to utter a word.