Real Online LDR or Real Prick Tease

My marriage is not perfect, but whose is?  We’ve only been officially married 2 1/2 years, but have been together 37 years.  As i related in a previous post we had a drastic estrangement last September when it came out how deeply i was integrating into the Leather BDSM Kink lifestyle. 

Over the years i have been told repeatedly by a series of therapists to end my relationship because of codependence and ongoing difficulties between us.   However, i couldn’t leave, and didn’t want to.  There was love, friendship, companionship, compatibility, lots of history with both ups and downs, illnesses, near deaths for each of us, many family member’s deaths, and most of our friends had died of AIDS.  And of course the codependence!

The major thing missing from my life and needs seemed to be a healthy (and kinky) sex life.  But now, i feel i need a deep emotional and passionate relationship to go with the hot sex life.

For years i have been on many gay hookup sites looking for those brief anonymous, wild and passionate hookups.  Unfortunately, it mostly ended up just being picture perusal and an occasional chat, but very seldom any hookups.

Last week a new app notice appeared in my email inbox, so i thought i would give it a try.  Within a couple of hours of getting the app & submitting my profile, my first email arrived. It was from a handsome man, 52 years old, BUT he lives in another country. His message was very sweet and special so i responded.  i have to say i also got a dozen more messages from guys all over the world that i deleted immediately.  

This man, a doctor – he says – and i have texted several times daily every since we first met.  Some of his story made me wonder if he is being truthful.  According to him he is in a special military unit as a doctor – an email was sent to me from a medical related email, so i tend to believe that. Yesterday he said he was being sent to a middle eastern war zone country  – and then later he texted his google location, & sure enough it shows he is there in the thick of the fighting. Yipes!

i look forward to each text.  i am fearing for his life.  i am praying he returns to the safety of his home country soon.

The big caveat  – he has proclaimed his love for me already and states he wants to be together and that the distance can be overcome if there is enough desire to continue the relationship. 

So, i am having an emotional affair. It feels much different from the infrequent sexual hookups i was having.  i am not saying i feel guilty, but i worry that i could end up being a prick tease for my doctor/soldier/lover man.  I have not told him about my relationship status, physical problems or HIV status, but he hasn’t asked either.

i have fantasized about moving to his European country escaping my current life.  But, i know, well…i think i know it is just a fantasy.  i do not want to hurt my husband.  I couldn’t move to another country while my father is still living. Of course, we would have to meet in person to test compatibility, sexual compatibility, and see if he truly has a BDSM side as he indicated in his online profile. He did say he is versatile and tends more submissive.  Hummm. 

Tell me now, am i in fantasyland? Could it really work out?  Am i infatuated?  Is it budding love?  Am i wanting an escape route? Or am i being a prick tease?  

Y/you can be honest.  What do you think?

Thanks for reading,

boy stray

Domestic Abuse

Over the years i have heard time after time that BDSM is abusive to the submissive or bottom person in a D/s or M/s relationship. Most often it had to do with the sub’s position in play – usually that of the recipient of control in the form of bondage or of pain.  What the general public is not aware of is the basic tenet of BDSM – safe, sane, & consensual.  They don’t understand how or why a person would submit willingly to the infliction of pain, so of course they assume the submissive is being coerced or abused.  While this can and probably does happen at times in BDSM relationships, i believe it has more to do with the individual’s psychological make-up than the presence of the BDSM dynamic.

i thought tonight i would elucidate the problems of domestic abuse, so Y/you will have a greater understanding of the types of abuse and be able to identify abusive tactics employed by the perpetrators.

Generally, there are five categories of domestic abuse:

  • Physical 
  • Sexual 
  • Emotional 
  • Financial 
  • Identity

These categories are not exclusive meaning an abuser may utilize tactics from more than one category in order to maintain control over the victimized person.

PHYSICAL ABUSE

Physical violence or even the threat of violence is intended to enhance the power and control of the abuser over the partner.  Physical abuse can be defined as the threat of harm or any forceful physical behavior that intentionally or accidentally causes bodily harm or property destruction, including:

  1. Hitting, beating, choking, pushing, slapping, kicking, pulling hair, biting, punching, backhanding, arm twisting, shoving, kicking or burning.
  2. Threatening to use or using a weapon against the partner
  3. Punching walls or doors
  4. Stalking
  5. Denying or interfering with the partner meeting their basic physical needs (e.g. Eating and sleeping)
  6. Smashing, damaging, stealing, or selling the partner’s possessions 

Physical abuse also can be used against children, pets, and even the partner’s family & friends

***Recently i was told one should know their potential partner in BDSM well since most of the consensual activities could be considered felonies***

SEXUAL ABUSE 

Sexual abuse is any forced or coerced sexual activity or behavior motivated to build power and control over the partner.  It can also be any contact meant to demean or humiliate the partner and instill feelings of shame and vulnerability.

Examples are:

  1. Unwanted touching 
  2. Demeaning remarks
  3. Berating partner about sexual history 
  4. Forcing sex without consent 
  5. Rape
  6. Rape with an object 
  7. Refusing to comply with request for safe sex
  8. Coercing partner into sex with others
  9. Unwanted sadistic acts

Some forms of sexual abuse are crimes

EMOTIONAL/PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE 

Emotional abuse is the use of words, voice, action, or lack of action meant to control, hurt or demean another person.  It typically includes ridicule, intimidation or coercion.

Behaviors include:

  1. Verbal threats
  2. Demeaning person in front of friends, family, or even strangers
  3. Constant criticism or humiliation yelling to intimidate 
  4. Obsessive jealousy 
  5. Being irresponsible with money
  6. Using insults, sarcasm or sneering 

Frequently the abuser is seeking to socially isolate the partner.  Behaviors used to socially isolate include:

  1. Blaming partner’s friends or family for their relationship problems
  2. Monitoring phone calls, mail, or visits 
  3. Demanding an account of daily activities
  4. Insulting, threatening or assaulting the partner’s friends or family to drive them away
  5. Stalking or using other means of surveillance 

FINANCIAL ABUSE

Financial abuse is the use or misuse of the partner’s financial or other monetary resources without the partner’s freely given consent.

Common examples include:

  1. Forbidding the partner to work
  2. Refusing to work yet contributing to expenses
  3. Controlling shared resources 
  4. Demanding partner account for all the money they spend
  5. Taking credit cards, money, or checkbook 
  6. Forging partner’s signature on financial documents

IDENTITY ABUSE 

Identity abuse is the use of personal characteristics to demean, manipulate and control the partner.  Some of these tactics overlap with other forms of abuse, particularly emotional abuse.  This category includes racism, sexism, ageism, able-ism, beauty-ism, and homophobia.  Also the fear of being outed as a kinky person can be a form of identity abuse.

Examples are:

  1. Outing or threatening to out someone
  2. Asserting partner will never have another relationship because they are too ugly or too old
  3. Blaming the abuse on the person’s identity (gay, bisexual) or behavior (S&M)
  4. Exploiting partner’s internalized racism
  5. Ridiculing partner’s physical challenges 

 i am simply listing the characteristics of Abusive Men

  • Control – achieved through criticism, verbal abuse, financial control, isolation, cruelty 
  • Entitlement – belief in having special rights without responsibilities 
  • Selfishness & Self-centeredness – expectation of being center of attention, having needs anticipated
  • Superiority  – contempt for partner as stupid, unworthy or as house keeper 
  • Possessiveness  – seeing partner as property 
  • Confusing Love & Abuse – explains violence as expression of deep love
  • Manipulativeness – confusion, distortion, lies. Projects self as good, while portraying partner as crazy or abusive
  • Contradictory Statements & Behaviors – saying one thing and doing another
  • Externalization of Responsibility  – shifting blame for their actions to others, especially the partner 
  • Denial, Minimalization, & Victim Blaming – not acknowledging the seriousness of his behavior and its effects
  • Serial Battering – abusive in one relationship after another

Men can exhibit some or all of these characteristics and NEVER PHYSICALLY assault a partner


Some of this material was edited or summarized from Lundy Bancroft & Jay Silverman (2002).  The Batterer as Parent: Addressing the Impact of Domestic Violence on Family Dynamics.  Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications.
Thanks for reading,

boy stray

Enlightenment and Happiness 

my BDSM workshop was far beyond my wildest dreams, hopes, and imagination.  The two and a half days were filled with camaraderie, education, and assignments to evoke deep thought about D/s play and relationships, demonstrations, and hands-on practice of everything taught over the weekend.  

There were twenty gay and bisexual men ranging in ages from 30’s to 75.  All sizes, shapes and penis lengths were represented.  Unfortunately one thing i noticed was an absence of African American men.  Asian and Latino men were minimally represented.  So, it was mostly middle aged and older white guys.

W/we bonded quickly through a series of “getting to know you” exercises, and then the rest of the weekend was spent primarily naked and extremely close to each other.

Saturday i was put into a rope harness for the first time.  It was an exercise to instill a sense of submissiveness into each participant.  Then, W/we learned how to spank and use a flogger.  W/we each gave and received both.  i quickly learned, or more accurately had it reinforced, that I am a submissive, because I did not enjoy flogging others; it did not excite me in the least.  However, i did like giving a spanking for a short time.  However, W/we had to spank for 45 minutes using all three positions: over the knee, on all fours, and froggy.  Man, did my arm get exhausted.  The position i liked best was froggy.  i could easily see his butt, legs, back and head.  i had easy access to his ass for spanking.  i could watch as his cheeks turned from pink to Rosie Red.

The flogging practice with me as the sub was so intense.  i kept having flashes of white lights over and over.  Then feelings began to well up in me and i had this overwhelming sense of happiness to the point of having tears in my eyes.  They were definitely tears of happiness and not from pain.  i felt joyful.  i had found something I want and need as a part of my life going forward.  Yes, I felt the sting and thud of the flogger.  Yes, i felt each blow as i was simultaneously spanked. But, i was happy that i had finally experienced what i had longed for and dreamed of for years.  They were indeed tears of happiness.  

Sunday, we learned about another type of rope bondage harness as well as the use of clothes pins for tit torture (or stimulation) and cock and ball bondage, balls weights, and CBT – cock & ball torture.  i was blindfolded, bound with the rope, cock tied up, and clothes pins applied – and I felt nothing.  I could hardly tell the clothes pins were on my nipples.  Others were applied elsewhere with the same minimal stimulation.  Weights were carefully tied to the cord binding my cock and balls.  Then, lowered slowly.  After several seconds i asked if they were on as i felt – nothing.  They were indeed on.  They proceeded to parade me around the room, ball weights swinging, and the feeling of submission and helplessness constant.  Then, the flogging, spanking, and CBT began.  It was the CBT that made me weak in the knees.  The sensation was intense, stimulating, and teasingly erotic.

Later we discussed desire.  Expressing what you desire and getting it, or negotiating for a compromised desire.  And then acting out your desire.  W/we each were assigned to come up with a fantasy we would like to have happen that afternoon.  In groups of three we all had our desire met, then functioned as the Top, and then as the assistant for another man’s desire.  As my fantasy desire was being met and the two men acting out my fantasy were yelling, mocking, and jeering me, the room seemed to have emptied completely except us three.  No other sound could be heard or action felt by me, except what was taking place in my scenario.  i did not see colors this time – only blackness.  But even in the darkness, and the quietness of the room i became aware of a feeling of enlightenment.  Now, i think i must have felt the authentic me amidst the intense pain/pleasure of that experience.

The marks and redness from the flogging and spanking quickly resolved, but the warmth and internal glow of happiness, awareness, authenticity, and enlightenment continue to burn eagerly in my soul.

Thanks for reading,

boy stray

Questions about being a submissive, and Questions for Doms

Have Y/you ever wondered what Y/you were supposed to do, think or feel about being a submissive or a Dominant?  Did you have questions for Doms or subs but were afraid to ask?

Here are a few questions i would ask about being a sub, and some questions i would pose to Dominants, if the opportunity arose.

What questions do Y/you have that Y/you want answered?

Add a comment to this post to respond to a question or to submit a question you have had for a while.

Hopefully we’ll add more questions, get some answers, and open a dialogue between Doms and subs.
                  Questions of Mine

  • Should a boy be clean shaven – not even a moustache 
  • Should a boy keep his hair short?
  • Should a boy shave his pubes and balls?
  • Should a boy shave his ass?
  • Should a boy call every Dom and Master “SIR ” from the very beginning?
  • What do Doms look for in a potential submissive boy?
  • What do Doms really think/feel if a sub uses a safe word?
  • Are most Doms trying to be intimidating or is it the nature of Dominants, or am i being too easily intimidated?
  • Do most Doms have just a few special kinks in Their repertoire or are They well versed in a variety of different skills?
  • What is it with the Cigar craze? 
  •  Don’t Doms know cigars kill the same way cigarettes do, but in a more pervasive, smelly way?
  • Is the role of a Dom becoming fuzzy and more indistinguishable from a submissive?
  • Why is it becoming harder to tell a sub from a Dom in social situations or at Leather bars?
  • Are Doms softening over time?
  • Why is more sex being had at gay male Leather play parties than actual BDSM scenes?
  • At a play party how should a sub ask a Dom to do a scene with him?
  • Is a boy supposed to approach an unfamiliar Dom initially, or is it the Dom’s place to pursue His prospective boy?
  • Are there a lot of Dominants who are actually bottoms in sex, giving the role of top to His boy?
  • What things have You experienced that immediately ended a scene?

i hope more questions are generated and that responses to the current questions will be submitted by many M/men and women sharing T/their perspective. 

Thanks for reading,

boy stray

Will, Won’t or Maybe Mondays 

Let’s forego the usual alphabetical progression through the checklist of potential activities BDSM players and Kinksters can choose to participate in.

So, since i get to choose i want to select anal fucking, cock sucking, golden showers, hot wax play, rimming, and saline infusion just off the top of my head.

I chose these quickly from my list of “likes very much”.

Anal Fucking. – When i first came out even experimenting with gay sex i knew nothing about anal pleasure.  i thought the only things gay men did together were frottage and cock sucking. Frottage came easy, but i really worked long and hard over hundreds of hours perfecting the art of the blow job.  Then, once i came across an uncut cock that…wasn’t as clean as i personally preferred.  Many gay men would have ended it there.  But, he was hot and i was horny.  So, i began the journey of learning the pleasures of anal and prostate stimulation.  Before i learned the pleasures of anal sex, i kind of grimaced, tried to relax, and let him ram it in, and pump away till he came.  After i learned much more about the ass I began to properly prepare of the night by thoroughly cleaning out, learning to really relax, and finding new ways to guide Mr. Anaconda in with the least amount of discomfort.  Butt fucking became my go to activity.  If a cock was too big to suck, it went up my butt.  Then, one day i realized for me to really feel sexually satisfied, i had to get fucked.  Don’t get me wrong, i still love sucking all the dicks i can, but for a real sexual connection i had to allow him inside me and encourage him to fill me with His cum…his essence, the seed of life and hope and all being.   Heady stuff i know.  i put great significance on the male ejaculate.  To me it is His power, His maleness and masculinity.  

With that being said, did Y/you ever see the movie Victor/Victoria.  One line delivered by the older gay man was, “there’s nothing more inconvenient than an old queen with a head cold.”  Of course he was referring to not being able to give blow jobs.  Well, tweaking the line some these days i would have to say, “there is nothing more unsatisfying than a sub bottom boy who can no longer get fucked because of anal cancer radiation treatment side effects.”  Not quite as good a quip as the one from the movie, but nevertheless just as poignant for me.  Now, after 28 radiation treatments, anal fucking is difficult, and painful at best, and impossible to accomplish at the worst.  But i love getting fucked.  So i keep trying to get back to that previous level of satisfaction with anal sex. 

GET YOUR FUCKING ANNUAL CERVICAL AND/ OR ANAL PAP TEST DONE IMMEDIATELY.  PLEASE DON’T procrastinate!!  It just might save Y/your life and keep Y/you from losing Y/your asshole!

Cock Sucking  – i have been sucking cock since the first man after the very first man i got naked with and had sex.  Well, that first time i was scared to death so i was a “do me” kinda guy that afternoon.  Kind of a funny story, i was a twenty year old virgin, and i saw this phone number on the bathroom wall in one of my all time favorite places…the Public Library.  My fingers trembled as i dialed, then asked for Norman.  He was friendly, lived a few blocks from my parents home where i was living, and he immediately iinvited me over to his house.  i could only fondle him, but he blew me three times in about thirty minutes.  But, that experience won me over.  i really liked getting those blow jobs, but i quickly found that i actually prefer giving them.

And, yes it is an art and a science.  Y/you have to know the anatomy and some basic physiological responses of the penis when it is stimulated by oral sex.  That’s the science.  The art is in perfecting Y/your ability to suck, lick, deep throat, and stimulate the cock to ejaculation.  Then, what to do when H/he cums?  Spit or swallow?  i think most men prefer it to be swallowed.  Spitting it out seems rather rude, maybe judgmental, or even a rejection of H/him in some way.  

Advice: learn to suck without scraping your teeth on the shaft; learn to control Y/your gag reflex because most men want more than a spit shine to the knob…deep threat that dick!; learn to take Y/your time – don’t rush through it so you get it over with.  If you are a half ass cock sucker he’s going to know it, and probably move along; learn to gracefully spit, or swallow with exuberance.  Sometimes if for some reason I don’t swallow, I subtly get the semen in my hand and use it for lube to jerk off.  For some reason i find that a real turn on.

All men love a good blow job!

Golden Showers. – piss play.  There is something about piss play that intrigues me.  i love the warmth as i piss onto my legs and feet or even up on my torso.  I’ve been given small amounts in cups to drink by two different Doms.  i found it to be too pungent and too warm for my taste.  Had one guy piss up my ass after fucking me.  Didn’t know He had done it till He told me.  That was an awkward walk to the bathroom to expel the urine without leaking or losing it half way to the toilet.  Me, i prefer plain ole “on me” kind of piss play.  


Hot wax  – don’t use the candles off your dining room table.  Those candles burn too hot, at a higher temperature, which can be dangerous and cause severe burns if not used very carefully.  There are candles made especially for hot wax play.  One of the tricks I learned in a class was to hold the candle at the right height above the sub so the wax cools a bit as it falls but retains enough heat for a good sting of heat as it hits the skin.  Best to shave the area first if the area being played with is the genital/pubic area, or any other hairy areas like the chest and back.  This can be a very sensual and erotic experience having the wax dripped on your skin, but also the Dom’s attention and efforts to remove the dried wax can be quite stimulating as well.


Rimming  – growing up especially after being potty trained we are taught the the butt is dirty and should not be touched at any time except for cleaning.  However there are quite a few nerve ending in the peri anal area that when stimulated evoke a sexual response.  Now why would it feel so good to touch, stroke, finger, and lick that area if it was to be regarded as unclean and untouchable.  Granted the vast majority of people who love rimming want the ass to be clean and fresh inside and out.  i have often wondered why this is one sexual activity i love doing.  But, I can rim a hot man butt for a long time before my tongue gets fatigued and my jaw gets sore.  Funny thing is while i absolutely love rimming, i am not so fond of it being done to me.  If Y/you’ve never experienced this sensation, i urge you to lie back, relax, and let a master rimmer like me take Y/you to new heights of ecstasy Y/you didn’t know Y/you could reach.


Saline infusion. – this is something i have not experienced yet.  i am intrigued and really turned on by the thought of a hot Dom inserting a needle into my scrotum, attaching a bag of sterile fluids, and running about a liter of salt water into my nut sack.  This significantly expands the scrotum making it very noticeable even under clothes.  The class offered here is always done on Friday night which allows for fluid absorption over the weekend making Y/your scrotum less obvious when Y/you return to work Monday morning.  

Building quite a repertoire of sexual acts, aren’t W/we?
Thanks for reading,
boy stray

30 Days to Define Your Kink as a submissive  – Day 19

How socially connected is your submission?

my submission has become socially connected in several ways and is continually increasing.

Do you look for others to talk to about your submission for support or networking? 

Yes, i actively seek out other subs to interact with and learn from.  i get and give support.  Last Saturday i even asked a Dom online if He would meet me for coffee so we can get to know each other and He may feel comfortable enough to sponsor me for the other BDSM Leather club. 

Do you go to events or connect through another sort of social grouping either in person or online?

Yes, i happen to be on a handful of Facebook groups for BDSM & Kink oriented people.  They are very active groups as i get many emails daily. 

Also, i will be attending my first Dungeon Party soon and hope to learn, connect with others and perhaps play.

i believe i am rapidly growing into my role as a submissive. 

Question 20 is up next.  The 30 days will soon be done.

Thanks for reading,

boy stray

24/7 or Just for Play

Initially i wanted a full time, 24/7 Dom/sub relationship.  i wanted to “live” the Lifestyle.  Still do!  But kinda giving up on that…seems like it’s just a pipe dream at this point.  my former Mentor asked me a couple times if i was interested in living it or just in it for the play.  i enthusiastically said live it.  But, now i guess i would have to say play.

In the couples years i have been working at it, i haven’t even played, let alone developed a Lifestyle or relationship.  But as an homage to my affinity for Leather i wear a leather strap around my wrist and always wear my wide leather belt no matter what else i may be wearing or where i am going.

How do Y/you all make it look so easy and natural?  What is the best part of living the Lifestyle?  How am I gonna get me some of that Lifestyle??

i ask that tongue in cheek.

i know how, and i am working on it.  It’s just harder and taking longer than i expected.

Tonight i reached out to an established, well known and well liked member of the gay Leather BDSM community.  i asked if He would consider having coffee with me.  Not to hookup or play.  i am definitely not his type of boy.  And He already has His boy.  my goal would be just to get to know him better and have him get to know me.  That way perhaps He could become a friend and support for me.  Also i thought maybe He would feel comfortable sponsoring me or recommending someone who could sponsor me for the local club for Sirs and boys.  

The club had a play and demo weekend at a gay campground last weekend. i had hoped to go but couldn’t.  There is another in April, and i have decided i am going!  It has become goal and “bucket list” item for me.  Recently i was asked what was on my bucket list.  i said nothing because i believed i had been everywhere i wanted to go and seen everything i had wanted to see.  But, now i decided to rethink that.  Some things on my list involve BDSM, LEATHER, PLAY, and others are trips, cruises, events, as well as beginning yoga classes and getting & giving tantric massages.  

Another goal for 2017 is the start of a part time play relationship.  Any other ideas for what i can add to my bucket list?

Wish me luck.

Thanks for reading,

boy stray

30 Days to Define your Kink as a submissive  – Day 10

Does any element of BDSM occur as a part of your submissive relationships?

This is a really difficult question to respond to.  First, i am not in a submissive “relationship” at this but if this question uses that term to include friends, Doms in the community, and acquaintances then i can say yes.  my interaction with any Dom is one of submissiveness.  However, there have been only a few actual BDSM play sessions. In those instances where i have been with a Dom, yes BDSM was always a major part of the interaction.  

i always treat Doms and Masters with the utmost respect.
How do you feel about BDSM?

As that jingle goes, “i like it, i love it, i want some more of it.”
Is it core to your submission, peripheral or non-existent (other than the submission part)?

i would say now it is peripheral.  It is on the sidelines waiting for those golden opportunities to actually play with a Dom.  In the meantime, i read, study, write my Blog posts, and associate with other subs in the hope that i will get more opportunities to play as i become more of a familiar face in the gay, Leather, BDSM, Kink community.

Kinky Erotic Photo Shoot

Today i went to a professional, discreet photographer to have updated and more edgy pictures to use on a couple BDSM Kink hookup sites.  This photographer did two previous shoots with me.  He is extremely good at his craft and had a variety of things to spice up the shoot.

At first was the obligatory G rated head shots in a nice shirt and jeans.  It progressed quickly to a leather vest, leather suspenders, wrists and ankles in leather cuffs, leather blindfold, gagged with a knotted red bandanna, gagged with a leather bit, jocks, assless underwear, and of course full nudes.  At one point i was nude with leather cuffs on and he shackled me to a heavy chain suspended from the ceiling.  i was blindfolded and gagged.  

my cock wasn’t “full” enough so he began fluffing with gentle strokes, squeezing my cock hard and then came the CBT.  With each tap of the balls the impact grew harder making my knees weak with excitement.  I guess my dick grew sufficiently hard because the CBT ended…unfortunately.  Previously he moved my head to be in a good position with a light guidance with his hands, now he intensified the guidance to a rough forceful shove for positioning of my head and body. 

As i stood there, shackled to the ceiling, blindfolded, gagged, nipple clamps on, i wanted him to cease being a professional photographer and become a seasoned Dom who wanted nothing more than to subject me to every sort of control and to induce a heightening of the pain…i wanted to be flogged, pissed on, bit, slapped, spit on, and something shoved up my ass.  But, alas he was a professional.

He must have taken a hundred pictures.  We looked at them all.  Deleted some on the first pass, then continued to weed out more in deference to the best, sexiest, edgiest, and most exciting poses.  I settled on 9 photos.  It’ll take a few days to get to final pictures and when I do I’ll upload a couple that are edgy but not too revealing.

Also, i decided the other day to get personal cards made professionally that introduce me as my BDSM submissive persona, boy stray.  i have never seen anyone hand out a strictly BDSM Kink oriented business or personal card, but thought it could be handy and a good way to make a first impression and to be remembered.  If Y/you are involved in a community, serve as a mentor or educator Y/you too may want to get a calling card.  Just a thought.

Thanks for reading, 

boy stray
By the way, that is not me in the above photo.

Get Off Y/your Asses Men!

Last night was the first meeting of this new group i came up with that has the goal of drawing in interested individuals new to the Leather Kink BDSM lifestyle.  T/they are turned on by M/men in full leather.  T/they are kinky and want to meet other gay M/men like T/them.  T/they are drawn to various BDSM activities and the implements used to induce pain and pleasure.  T/they are just curious.

W/we want T/them all! 

This group meeting had three RSVP’s, then one dropped out of the “interested” list completely before i had even left the house.  my former Mentor & Guardian came with one of His boys after much conversation via text trying to coax Him to at least meet and discuss O/our concepts and direction.  W/we arrived before the established meeting time and talked, exchanging ideas.  Approximately twenty five minutes later a participant came in to the coffee shop.  After introductions W/we learned his whole kink revolved around ONE and only one activity he wanted done to him, and he was wanting to find a partner or two to accommodate his kink.  That clearly was not O/our focus.  The second Man, a Top, did not make it.  i hope He comes to the next meeting.  i was a little bummed out about the turnout till i realized W/we had a 50% show rate…one out of two came.  Success!

i got home and saw the participant who came had removed himself from the group listing already.
My question to Y/you:  

Does an official, organized and sanctioned mentoring program exist in Y/your Leather Kink BDSM community?

If so, i would like to hear all about it.  If not, was there a program at one time and it petered out, or Y/you just couldn’t get that “kite to fly” where Y/you live?  

i want to pick Y/your brains, mine Y/your thoughts and experiences.  

As a nurse i was once asked by another nurse, “why do nurses ‘eat’ their young?”  i hadn’t realized it was a pattern of behavior for older, seasoned nurses to make life hell for new nursing graduates.  i vowed not to do that as i grew into my professional role.  And i never did.  i loved teaching, modeling behaviors, and showing them the ropes in their new career.

i tell Y/you all that not to brag but to put my current actions, goals and drive into seeing that this Leather, Gay, Male, BDSM & Kink Mentoring program gets off the ground.  i don’t see the older, seasoned Leather Men/boys eating their young.  i see some ignoring newbies and others seeing the newbie, but letting H/him flounder trying to meet others, learn protocol, experience BDSM and Kink, and just trying to fit in somewhere…anywhere!  Very few will offer a hand of recognition, support and encouragement to that lonely new guy.

Why is that Men/boys? 

i have been there.  i have floundered, fucked up, nearly got myself into possibly dangerous situations, and why?  Because i had no knowledge, no experience, no friends and/or no connections in the community i wanted so desperately to join.

my goal as a not so new newbie is to help establish a program for other newbies that develops mentor/mentee connections so the newbie doesn’t have to walk alone on H/his journey.  H/he will have a friend, a guide, a mentor beside him.

So, get off Y/your asses Men!  Can Y/you help a Leather brother?

Thanks for reading,

boy stray