A Kinky boy in a Vanilla World

i just got home from an evening out on the town to celebrate my husband’s birthday.  i dressed in nice vanilla drag…i mean dress casual with my new black jeans on.  Of course i wanted to fit in with our friends who dress gay casual…jeans, tee shirt, and sneakers.  But i had to honor my kinky side by wearing my wide black leather belt and a jock strap.  Instead of my combat boots i wore black leather dress shoes.  

First we went to dinner at a very expensive restaurant where the food was fantastic.  Then, we went bar hopping to 3 different gay establishments.  One was what we in the gay community have always called an S & M bar….meaning stand and model.  Everyone looked basically the same.  Jeans, sneakers and tee shirt, muscles and little to no body hair.  But there were a few guys dressed up in their best gay GQ getups looking all out of place with their brightly colored eyeglass frames, blazer jackets, dress shorts or slacks, and of course a fedora cocked on their heads.  These GQ guys looked as out of place as I felt in this club.  

Next, we walked down the street a bit and went into a piano bar.  It was subdued and gaudy with everything being stark white, even the piano, except lots of faux silver candelabras on every flat surface in the bar, and some even hung on the walls.   Each candle had that fluttering flame shaped piece of material with the orange light that kinda makes it look like a real lit candle.  This place was t-a-c-k-y!  It was filled with “older” gentlemen in their fine preppy clothes.  The pianist was a campy gay guy who was extremely enthusiastic as he sang, but had a little glint of crazy about him.  We just stood there for a couple tribute songs to singer George Michael. We didn’t even get a drink.  Then we scurried down the street (it was a frigid 58 degrees in South Florida) to another bar.

This was a dance bar.  Two levels and two separate rooms – one a bar where you could actually hear the people talking and the other a bar with a dance floor filled with big hairy men, little hairy men, and some men in leather.  All ages were represented .  I think there was an octogenarian with his shirt off, leather harness on, tight blue jeans and wildly dancing, like he was 30 years old again.  He was having a fantastic time.

 It must have been Bear night, or even Leather or fetish night.  The Bears, Leathermen and leatherboys in their harnesses, boots, vests and tight jeans were so hot.  We stayed quite a while; i couldn’t get my eyes filled enough with the images i am so comfortable with and attracted to.  Hot sweaty masculine men packed the dance floor.  Gyrating, men cruising other men, and smiling, and singing along with the music videos…having the best time ever.   

It’s great to be alive!

i could smell that familiar musky, sweaty, cigar smoke covered manhood before me.  i just wanted some big burly hairy Dom to carry me out to his F-150 and drive me to his dungeon.  

i did not want to leave this bar!  Really i wanted the three people i was with to leave and let me stay to drink in the images and smells of hyper-masculinity. Ah, fantasies keep me hopeful that one day  it all will become a reality.

How do i cope with living in a vanilla world?

Great question!  i seem to have two separate identities conjoined at the heart with no one on either side knowing the real totality of me…the true person i am in my heart.  i live two lives.  There is my Leatherboy, BDSM/Kink personality that likes Leather bars, dungeons, playrooms, XXX movies, Pro Doms, erotic massages, sex in risky places and the pain/pleasure that comes with it all.  i do all that as covertly as possible.  However, i have stopped hiding my bags of kinky toys at home.  

Then, there is the vanilla personality. he stays home doing the dishes, straightening up the house, caring for the animals, paying bills and attending religious services every week albeit in a gay church.  he wears clothes to fit in to the mainstream gay community.  he sits home most nights watching television.  But, he secretly checks hookup apps that cater to his kind of men and his preferred activities, writing my Blog on his IPad, or even texting Pro Doms and potential sex partners.  Sex, BDSM and kink ever present in his mind.

That’s my story for today.  These are my/his struggles daily.  Still searching for the answer to be revealed about how i can blend my personality with His to become one authentic person living proudly as a leatherboy.

I’d love to hear how you cope with the dichotomy.
Thanks for reading,

boy stray


i learned a couple weeks ago that a friend has entered a polyamorous Leather BDSM relationship.  i saw Facebook posts of the three of them a few weeks ago, but just thought they had become fast, new friends.  I guess in a way they have.  I met the sub in the primary couple in the summer.  The Dominant i met in about October.  Great guys.  They both are good looking, look good together, and both are sexy, hot, experienced Leathermen.

i saw that my friend was wearing a “training” collar as kind of a commitment to the couple to see if their situation might become a permanent triad relationship. Of course i am happy for all three of them…they do look great together and seem very happy.  Part of me is jealousy….Green!  The friend is new to Leather and BDSM from what he has told me, and he has the audacity to already find himself in a potentially fantastic Leather triad relationship.  Of course i do have to say he is twenty years younger than i, is tall, goodlooking, muscled, and has a great personality.   He is, you might say, the whole package!  And i do wish them much luck, love, pain/pleasure, if that is what they seek together.

i, on the other hand, have been actively searching for a Dom for at least a year and, no luck so far.

Years ago i wanted a triad relationship.  i had a friend back in my home state who was a bear and he was in relationship with two other bears.  It was a hot mix of fur, that i was horn-dogging to be in the middle of at the time…never happened though.  It does seem a great premise, a polyamory relationship.  Three or more incomes, hopefully more men to regularly have sex with, one mortgage or rent payment, and even more friends as each brings their “besties” to the poly’s realm of friendships.  All positives!

Since being on a couple Leather BDSM Facebook groups i have read about a lot of other people being in poly amorous relationships.  Wonder how adding a third person comes up in general conversation between the primary couple?  Were they always sexual explorers, adventurous and communicative about their fantasies and needs?  Did it come up because one couldn’t fulfill the high sexual demands of the other?  Did they discuss it as a way to save or keep their relationship going?

In heterosexual triads why does it always seem to be a male Dom with two submissive females?  I would like to see a Domme with two submissive boys.  That could be hot!

But there can be problems or concerns in these kinds of relationships.  Some people have trouble feeling that anyone could love them, let alone have two or more partners that love him equally.  There may be feelings of anxiety about whether they would have the time and energy for a third person.  Would adding a third person allow ample time and energy for other family members & friends, or for work or school?  There may be fear that a break-up with one person would lead to a break-up with the other.  They may worry about whether the partners would get along, or whether one of them would feel neglected or left out.  Are they all getting their physical, emotional, sexual, financial and spiritual needs met?

Other things to consider before entering into a poly relationship:

How will the triad relationship be structured?  Will the relationship with the third, or fourth person be romantic, platonic, or sexual.  Will all people involved have sex with everyone else in the relationship?  Is it a monogamous or non monogamous triad?  If non monogamous, that would add potentially a lot more sexual contacts and  relationships into the situation.  Is the relationship going to be considered a serious, long-term one, or one that is temporary in which plans for the distant future are not made by all partners.

 How, oh, how do you tell your family of origin that you:

  • are gay
  • are into Leather BDSM/Kink
  • that you and your long term partner have decided to add one or more men to your relationship?

i don’t know about you but coming out gay and then as having HIV/AIDS was way hard enough.  When my husband found out my renewed and intense interest & commitment to Leather and kink he blew a gasket.  If i were to say i want a triad relationship he would probably have a stroke, or run for his life!

Exploring Polyamory

“Having an idea about what you want your relationship to be like allows you to figure out whether it’s something you really want.  Maybe your expectations aren’t very specific.  Maybe you’re not 100% sure about what you do want, but you know for sure what you don’t want.

That’s okay. Take your time to figure it out! It’s not important that you know exactly what you want from the beginning of the relationship. But it’s important that you communicate about your expectations to your partner(s).”

Quoted from:


This is just what i have been thinking about this week.  What is on your mind?  What have you been thinking about?

are you in a Polyamory relationship?  If so i would like to hear from you.  Tell me about it.  Did i cover some good points, or do I miss the mark this time?

thanks for reading,

boy stray