30 Days to Define your Kink as a submissive 

Day 23: Is there anything about submission (yours or what you see in others) that you question, dislike or repels you? Was there a time you questioned or were resistant to your own submissive feelings?

Sometimes, especially when in the company of non Leather folks, i get twinges of sub shame and embarrassment.  At times, not too often, but occasionally i feel judged or pigeonholed as a leather sub who is passive, used, abused, and having no choice or say in what “happens” to me in a BDSM dynamic.  i don’t feel like going into educator mode explaining about roles, choices, contracts, negotiations, limits, safe words, and just admitting that the things that are “done” to me are done with my permission because all BDSM activities are between consenting adults.

As far as being resistant to an aspect of being a submissive i feel a bit of ambivalence regarding subs into piss and scat.  i described my foray into play parties last week, but the one thing i don’t think i mentioned was the piss boy who was stationed in the restroom.  he stayed in there the whole night and was given a donation of $5 by each person who wanted to piss on him or have him “drink from the tap.”  i really had to piss bad by the time i left the party, but I would not #1 pay $5 to pee, and #2 pee on someone who spent the whole night serving as a toilet.  i like the idea of 1:1 piss play but not in a situation like that.  Part of me felt sad for him, but i have to remember and remind myself from time to time that his kink is not my kink, but his kink is ok! 

Day 24: What are the emotions that most directly let you access submission? What feelings do they inspire?

i think I am a happy, joyful submissive.  i am a long term service oriented caregiving professional having worked in healthcare for many years.  In ways that profession is one of submissiveness. Wanting to do for and care for others!   A service oriented submissive.  To put myself second – behind the person who is most important – whether that person is a Dom, or a patient.  To take care of someone well is a source of pride, satisfaction, and joy for me.  It instills a deeper sense of self worth and self esteem.

Will, Won’t or Maybe Monday #2

This week i want to talk about three more activities that are included on most BDSM Checklists.

ANAL PLUGS
Anal plugs, or butt plugs, as they are more commonly known, are a tapered, round, cone-shaped, rubber-like device with a wide base. They come in many different lengths and diameters to accommodate and/or challenge the most anally adventurous among us.

Anal plugs are similar to dildos but are usually kept in place for an extended time by using the muscles of the anus and the pelvic floor. It can help strengthen the anal muscles, may stimulate the prostate, or may simply add a feeling of fullness and pressure heightening the sexual pleasure.

Always use an anal plug with a wide base. Trust me, you do not want the plug to slide completely inside the rectum, which would require an ER visit so a doctor can extract the butt plug safely.

If this kind of play is new to you, most likely you will need to start with a shorter and narrower version. You may want to put a condom on it to make clean up easier. You will use lots of lube and start by fingering or having your Partner finger your anus. Then, when you are sufficiently stimulated, SLOWLY begin introducing the smaller, rounded end of the plug slowly into the anus passing both the external & the internal sphincters. Insert it completely until the base of the butt plug is flat with one end touching the perineum and the other between the buttocks. Keep it in place as long as you can, or want to,…or for as long as your Dom tells you to. You can even masturbate or get a blow job with it in, and you can even fuck someone with your own butt plug in place. Talk about an intense orgasm!

i’ve heard and read stories of Dominants making Their sub insert a butt plug and then taking them out to dinner or other activities that make keeping the plug comfortably in place increasingly difficult.  Or even the sub being given a butt plug in a restaurant and told to go to the restroom and insert it before coming back to the table.

When you want to remove the device, or when allowed to by your Master, do so SLOWLY, and very GENTLY! You do not want to cause undesirable pain or injury to the anus. Do not overuse the butt plug which could cause an unwanted loosening of your asshole. Clean the plug thoroughly after each use with hot water and soap. Allow it to air dry, then store it in a clean dry place.  Remember you can put a condom on it before use.

AROMAS
When I first saw aromas listed I didn’t know if it meant “poppers” or “manscent”. So, I want to talk briefly about both. Poppers, in my humble opinion, make sex and orgasm GREAT! In the old days we called it amyl nitrate, which was a prescription cardiac drug causing a sudden rush of blood to the brain due to vasodilation or a relaxation of the blood vessels. The blood pressure goes down, the heart beats faster, the sensations heighten. All this together causes an intensification of positive emotions, that increases feelings of lust, decreases inhibitions and encourages an animalistic sexuality. Orgasms seem more intense and last longer, and some men say it makes their cock and balls feel massive.

Use them with caution. Since it lowers blood pressure you CAN NOT inhale poppers if you take erection pills, have heart disease or any kind of circulatory problems. I already told you my experience with being given a hit of poppers a while after taking a Viagra “party pill.” Believe me…be careful when using poppers.

Ok, who likes man smells? You’ll see in personal ads or profiles “no cologne or deodorant” because those smells mask or alter the natural musky manly scent of a man. “Man smell” to me is a bit of sweat, sexual pheromones, clean but musky underarm scent, the smell of Leather, and maybe a mix of beer breath and cigarette (cigar) breath as well. I really get turned on by these smells. But everyone’s different. Some gay men love cologne, scented soap and deodorant, and even scented body sprays. To each, his own! But, that ain’t me!

ASPHYXIATION
i will begin by saying this is extremely dangerous!! Also known as breath control, erotic asphyxiation is the intentional restriction of oxygen to the brain for the purpose of sexual arousal. It can be done alone or with a partner present. It is done in various ways…a plastic bag over the head, strangulation by self or other, chest restriction, or even gas or other volatile solvents.

It is DANGEROUS even if it is practiced with care. This is ultimate EDGE Play. If you must try it, do so with other people present. Be sure rescue measures are in place beforehand, just in case. And make sure everyone present knows how to activate emergency services, AND knows the address where the play is taking place.
i was going to get all “high up on my horse” saying i’ve never done this. However, i wrote about my brief experience with the belt around my neck in a previous post. i admit i have done some really stupid things putting myself in potentially dangerous situations.

Don’t do what i have done without prior, informed CONSENT! Please educate yourselves, play only with experienced Dominants, and don’t take unnecessary risks. i understand the draw of edge play, but build trust in the Dom with whom you are playing, and evaluate His knowledge and skill level, before ever putting your life at risk.  Remember– Safe, Sane, Consensual!

Next week, ball stretching, bathroom use control, and beating [soft & hard].

Thanks for reading,

boy stray

The Differences Between a submissive & a slave

What is the difference between a submissive and a slave?

Ultimate, total, non consensual slavery is illegal! Therefore, a person who wants to enter voluntarily into this type of situation, commitment or relationship has only two rights. By choosing to become a slave, the slave exercises the first right by consenting to submit totally to the the man, who becomes his Master. The Master, then, maintains complete control of the slave in all aspects of his life: sexually, physically, emotionally, economically, socially, and spiritually. The slave retains only one other right. That is the right to say No, which in effect is a declaration of intent to end the M/s relationship. The slave can leave at any time he chooses; to be prevented from leaving is illegal.

 

• A submissive is someone who can and should negotiate; a slave can not
• A submissive has limits; a slave gives up all limits except those that his Master sets for him.
• A submissive obeys and serves his Dominant by choosing to do so each time while retaining his free will; a slave initially makes a choice to obey and submit to his Master at all times and in all matters
• A submissive accepts submission; a slave accepts obedience.
• A submissive can simply play as a submissive; a slave enters a lifestyle.
• A submissive retains some rights within the context of the D/s relationship; a slave gives up all rights and becomes, in effect, property of the Master.
• A submissive commits to voluntary service; a slave is owned & possessed.
• A submissive consents to agreed upon protocols of behavior; a slave has no rights regarding expectations of protocol & typically is not allowed to sit on furniture or wear clothes, and always kneels at his Master’s feet.
• A submissive has a safe-word that ends play; a slave has consented to no-consent.
• A slave must be a submissive, but a submissive is not necessarily a slave.

 

A boy who consents to the ultimate form of submission, that is to become a slave, gives up his sense of self and personhood. he becomes an “it” for all intents and purposes. his self worth is bound to his desire to completely serve and please is Master.
A submissive and a slave both have a deep need or desire to submit, to surrender, or to give up at least some part of their will, control, and power to a Dominant. They most often “need” this because pleasing and/or offering service to a Dominant who has earned their trust, their respect and (generally) their love, is an integral part of a submissive/slave’s fulfillment and satisfaction.

Let me know if you identify as a slave, and if you are owned currently

Let me know if you are a submissive, collared, and/or in a 24/7 relationship

 

Edited and adapted from:

http://www.katekinsey.com/the-difference-between-a-slave-and-a-submissive.html