30 Days to Define your Kink as a submissive 

Day 25: Are there items, objects or rituals that represent or help you express submission? If not, have you ever thought of adding or being gifted one? Is there a special significance to these objects or rituals?

i wrote before that one of the things i do – not sure i would call it a ritual –  is to always stand in a military “at ease” position with hands behind my back and head slightly bowed with eyes averted from any Dom who may be present.  Also, most of the time i wear a leather band on my right wrist as a sign to others and as a reminder to me that i am a leather submissive.

 i have no other rituals or objects used to express my submission.  It would be wonderful to be gifted an item from a Dom that is meant as a visible sign of my submissiveness. 



Day 26: What are the qualities you seek in a dominant partner and why? Are some qualities deal-breakers as in “must” haves or “must not” have?

Qualities i seek in a Dominant are knowledge and experience in BDSM, a playful nature yet strict in His enforcement of protocol, duties, and the behavior of His sub, yet not aggressive or just plain ole mean under pressure or stress.

Deal breakers would be refusal to negotiate limits and preferences, and in writing a contract; a lack of interest or concern regarding training or for the nurturing of the sub; and having a tendency to being mean under pressure and taking out stress and frustration on the submissive. 



Day 27: Do you have submissive desires or fantasies that you have yet to be able to explore? Do some of your desires confuse or frighten you? Do they excite you?

At this time, a “real” session, scene or play session have only been a fantasy.  i have had isolated activities and experiences, and even paid a Pro Dom to work out some fantasies, but i have never been approached by a Dom who follows through and has a real time play session from start to finish with me. 

The only thing that really confuses me or frightens me is the lack of opportunities for real time play.  i have not been able to make myself the kind of sub that is attractive to a Dom to even have Him approach me for play.  i fear i may never experience a full, real BDSM session.


Thanks for reading,

boy stray

40 Red Flags

Master M Matt posted on Facebook in BDSM Info.

Reposted with permission.
 

The following are warnings that a potential Dom may not be all that you think they are. 

Please be careful if the potential Dom: 

1) Tries to separate you from your friends, family or BDSM community. 

2) Avoids talking about personal details. Gets mad when you ask or quickly ends the conversation or answers questions with questions. 
3) Has no BDSM references or friends you can talk to. 

4) Gets angry when you ask for references or ask around about them. 

5) Is inconsistent with details about themselves. 
6) Does not give you their home and work phone number at the appropriate time. 

7) Only communicates with you at strange hours and gets mad if you try to contact them at other times. 

8) Criticizes the BDSM community and refuses to participate, especially if they never were part of it. 

9) Consistently breaks promises. 

10) Always finds excuses for not meeting real time. 
11) Always puts blame on others for things going wrong. 

12) Does not take personal responsibility. 

13) Has bad relationships with most or all of their family members. 

14) Pressures you into doing things you do not want to do. 

15) Does not respect your limits, negotiations or contracts. 
16) Pushes you into a D/s relationship too fast. 

17) Swears undying love before even meeting you. 

18) Hides behind their D/s authority and says that their authority should not be questioned. 

19) Tries to make you feel guilty for not being good enough. Says that you are not a “True” sub. 

20) Loses control of their emotions in arguments and regresses to yelling, name-calling and blame. 
21) Puts you down in front of other people. 

22) Turns instantly on their friends, going from best friend to arch enemy at the drop of a hat. 

23) Treats you lovingly and respectfully one day and then harshly and accusingly the next. 

24) Never says thank you, excuse me or I am sorry to anyone. 

25) Lies or withholds information. Cheats on you or is overly jealous. 
26) Will not discuss what your possible future relationship could be like. 

27) Tries to keep you in the dark about what might happen next in the relationship. 

28) Does not respect your feelings, rights, or opinions. 

29) Belittles your ideas. 

30) Blames you for your hurt feelings. 
31) Abuses alcohol or other drugs. 

32) Is constantly asking for large amounts of money from you or others. 

33) Threatens suicide or other forms of self-harm. 

34) Deliberately saying or doing things that result in getting themselves seriously hurt. 

35) Wants control of your money or finances and you are not living together. 
36) ONLY interacts with you in a kinky or sexual manner as if role-playing. 

37) Will not have normal everyday vanilla conversations. 

38) Never shows you their human side. Is emotionless. Hides their vulnerability behind their D/s role. 

39) Has multiple online identities for interacting within the same communities. 

40) Disappears from communication for days or weeks at a time without explanation.
Hope this helps to keep you safe.

Thanks for reading,

boy stray

   

 

30 Days to Define your Kink as a submissive 

This morning i can’t sleep yet again.  It’s 3:45 a.m.  My dogs woke me up as they do quite often at this time, and that means i am awake at least a couple hours.  i like Blogging when i wake up, but i have to be careful to double check my writing for nonsensical phrases and for typos – those that i make, and those auto correct changes inaccurately.

Today i will answer two questions again.  
Day 17:  Trust.  What does trust mean to you in the context of submission?

Trust is a vital element in any relationship, but i think even more so in BDSM.   Both the Dom and the sub need to establish trust through openness, honesty, and detailed communication.  Since BDSM is a full on contact activity that can induce pain, bruises, abrasions, and bleeding as well as intense emotional reactions the people involved must be able to develop a trusting relationship even if it only lasts through the scene.  The sub must be able to trust that the Dom will not deliberately hurt them.  They must trust the Dom will lessen intensity or stop all action if a safe word is used by the sub.  Both the Dom and sub need to trust that the other will not expose them deliberately to HIV, Hepatitis, or any other STD.  Each person must trust that all toys and equipment have been cleaned thoroughly before play.  Prior to the scene the sub should express a need for aftercare during and after the play session and trust the Dom will provide it as agreed on.  

And, each needs to trust that the other person is willingly participating and that they will bring excitement, enthusiasm and sensuality into the session.  

Trust is the key to an enjoyable play scene.

Day 18: Very often the stereotype of submission is that the submissive person loses the ability to have an opinion. While that clearly isn’t true except in the absolute rarest of occasions, how does communication factor into your submission and how do you communicate your desires and needs?

When i began to delve into the BDSM Leather community i fervently believed a real sub would never disagree with or contradict what the Dom says or does.  It’s amazing to look back at old journal entries to see how much i have grown and changed over the years.  i still believe the sub must be respectful always of their Doms opinions but that a sub can disagree and voice their own opinion.  Always maintaining respect especially in front of other Doms and subs!  Disrespecting or dishonoring your Dom reflects poorly on Y/you both.  you for being insolent and the Dom for allowing such behavior.  

The desires and needs of the sub must be discussed before any action occurs during the open dialogue about those activities Y/you will and won’t do, Y/your hard limits, contractual specifics, and in working to develop trust between all parties involved.  During a play session the sub can express their needs and desires by vocalizing moans, groans and other noises that demonstrate the sub is enjoying the activity.  Also, i observed once a sub being struck on the back by a bullwhip.  He verbalized “Thank You Sir” each time a sting of pain/pleasure hit him.  It could be agreed prior to play that the sub could say that phrase to indicate the activity is going well and enjoying the play.  And, if/when the sub begins to say it hesitantly or stops saying it altogether the Dom slows down or stops, and checks in verbally with the sub to see if that activity has become too painful.  Some subs may be reluctant to use a safe word thinking they will disappoint the Dom, show their inexperience or low pain threshold, or that they don’t want to acknowledge or otherwise show they are having an intense emotional reaction to the activity.  This is where the need for open communication is paramount for the people in the scene.

Establishing trust and having honest, open and direct communication about needs and desires prior to play is more likely to lead to a successful scene that both the Dom and the sub have thoroughly enjoyed.

30 Days to Define your Kink as a submissive – Day 13

Sex and submission?  Now we’re talking!

Is sexual availability, being available to your partner any time he or she wants, part of your submission?

While it may be the dream of most submissives to be a sex slave available anytime your Dom wants, it really isn’t that practical for subs or their Doms for that matter.  One must take into account the likelihood of differing libidos.  Also important are the additional responsibilities of the sub such as full time work outside the home, housework, cooking, caring for children, and serving the Dom as He deserves.  It is hard to be available for sex when you are physically and emotionally drained by the end of each day.  It is hard also for gay men to be completely “clean” 24/7 in anticipation of Him wanting sex.  

It is my hope that i would be able to respond sensuously every time He made a sexual move or made a request, or just pressed His erect penis against me.  That would be my goal.  But, meeting His every need anytime He wants it would be most difficult for most subs.

But, yes sexual availability is a part of my submission.
Why or why not?

It is my belief that the sub should be able to meet all the needs of his Dom including sexual availability. subs don’t sign on for doing tasks and caring for the Dom only when they feel like it.  Personally i wouldn’t think it appropriate to tell your Dom that you’ll do the dishes, or feed the dogs/children, take out the garbage or even satisfying Him tomorrow because you don’t feel like doing it now.
Are there limits to this?

Extreme fatigue or illness would limit the ability of the sub to fulfill this duty.  Otherwise i believe every sub should strive for sexual availability anytime their Dom wants it.

Will, Won’t or Maybe Mondays 

As we continue down the checklist i am including most of the activities possible between consenting adults.  Today we’ll look at four that i have knowledge, experience, and a fondness for, and one that is not my kink at all.

Cock Worship

What can i say about cock worship?  i have done it since the first one i tasted when i was twenty years old.  Cock worship is more than simply cock sucking.  To worship cock you must afford it reverence, respect, adulation.  you approach a cock the way you would a religious shrine.  Some apprehension and reflection on the beauty and power that manifests in that Dom’s cock.  your ultimate goal and desire is to service that cock in the manner such a powerful piece of flesh demands.  you take your time with it.  And when He shoots His load, the essence of life and humanity, you do not spit it out.  you gratefully accept it into your body with deep appreciation.

That is Cock Worship!

Collars

A collar is a device of any material that is worn around the neck of the submissive during play.  However, more importantly, the collar is a symbol worn by a submissive denoting that they are in a D/s relationship and/or are owned.  Some Masters and Doms will conduct a formal collaring ceremony either privately or sharing the occasion with friends and community.  Also, there are collars of consideration and training collars.  Collars are not a piece of jewelry to be touched and fondled by other people.  Remember respect in the BDSM Kink community is very important.  Always ask if you can look closer or touch it.  Be prepared to hear a NO.  If you see someone who is collared it is appropriate to speak to the Dom first and ask if it is okay to speak with or hug the submissive person.  Again, respect.  You are acknowledging the Dom’s position in community and in that relationship.  Usually the collar is locked onto the sub’s neck, and the Dom holds the key.  If the D/s relationship ends, the collar is removed by the Dom.  Recently i attended a memorial service where I learned when a submissive dies it is important to treat the collar with reverence and that it can be placed in an honored position in the home of the Dom or the caregiver if that person is a member of the Leather community.  A collar has great significance and deserves your respect.

Cuffs

Cuffs are exciting, exhilarating pieces of BDSM equipment.  As i have related in previous posts i submitted to being cuffed as recently as yesterday for an erotic photo shoot.  It is ultimate submission in my mind because you are giving complete power over to the Dom through an overt action that signifies ultimate trust in that Dom.

Once you are cuffed He has total control of you and can do anything He wants to you.  Trust must be established prior to this kind of submission.  i completely trusted my photographer.

Being cuffed yesterday put me immediately into a sub headspace.  My other senses heightened.  i knew what i hoped He would do as He held total power and control over me.  But, that’ll wait for another time and person.

Diapers

Some Doms and subs get into diaper play and infantilism.  The sub regresses to that stage in life when a baby is completely reliant on it’s parent or caregiver to meet its every need.  And one of those needs is to have their diaper put on, and to be changed when it is wet or soiled.  Players in this kink can be into urine play only or it could involve both piss and shit.

The only thing i can say in addition is, your kink may not be my kink, but your kink is OK!

Dildos

My best friends!  They are always stiff, just the right length and girth, and perpetually ready for action whenever the urge hits you.  No dinner, drinks or small talk with someone on a date that you hope will fuck you at the end of the evening.  No wondering if He is hung large enough; no wondering if he can get it up and keep it up; no wondering or dreading that He may be a two minute man.

Wake up horny?  Reach for the drawer in your nightstand.  Rough day at work?  Or your trick was a lousy lay?  The dildo is ever ready for hot action.  you don’t have to worry that it’ll cum to soon.  Whether you go deep, hard and fast, or slow and easy, the dildo meets your every need when you want to be penetrated.  I have two pink rubber ones, two inflatable ones of different sizes, and a curvy prostate massager.  All of these are different sizes, shapes and contours.

Stock up.  They can be your best friends too.


More next week.

Thanks for reading,

boy stray

30 Days to Define your Kink as a submissive – Day 3

i saw these questions on another blog ( http://collaredmom.com/define-your-kink) and thought it would interesting to respond to one question a day (probably non-sequential days) until all are covered. Maybe Y/you will consider writing Y/your own responses in a journal so Y/you can periodically review to see how Y/you have grown or changed.  

If You are a Top/Dom/Master it is possible to rework the questions to reflect Your perspective.

Day 1: Do you view your submission as; Taken in Hand, domestic discipline, top/bottom, dominant/submissive, master/slave, owner/pet, DD/lg; or some other description or combination? If you do not use a label, why?

13 January 2017 – i view my submission as a Dom/sub. i proudly say i am a sub, bottom, boy! i take great pleasure in calling other Men, SIR…even if they are bottoms. One night i called a boy Sir, and he quickly said, “oh, i’m not a Sir.” But i still think of him as a Sir every time I see him now. i even call young men Sir if i think they could be Dominant. Saying a lot is a verbal way of expressing my submissive nature.
Day 2: Describe who you might submit to and how.

14 January 2017 – The Man i might submit to would be mature and rugged looking, bearded, and extremely self assured. He would live and exude His Dominance. He would be borderline aggressive in His dealings, interactions, and expectations of His submissive. He is kind, compassionate, & passionate sexually and in His lifestyle. Being a service oriented sub my role would be to maintain order in the household, provide assistance with His day to day chores and needs by making calls, answering phones, writing letters, organizing His office and paperwork, running errands, doing his laundry, laying out His clothes, assisting Him with dressing, chauffeuring Him to wherever He needs to go, preparing and serving Him meals, providing foot rubs, massages, and presenting & serving Him a cocktail after His day at work.  

That’s probably a fairly comprehensive list of chores i could do to provide service a Dom
Are you exclusively submissive in marriage or just in the bedroom?

Exclusively a submissive, gay, bottom boy in life, love, and sex. No compromises
Day 3: How do you know you are submissive or have the potential to be submissive?

15 January 2017 – i am a submissive.  i enjoy being a bottom.  i enjoying serving and pleasing a man…a Dom.  i prefer being called a boy, and i prefer calling Dominant Men, Sir.  i like to submit to the sexual needs and inclinations of a Dom.  i enjoy being used for the satisfaction of a Sir.  That’s how i know i am a submissive…because i am hard wired to be submissive.

Day 4: Do you switch into a dominant role at any time?

Day 5: Have you been or are you in a dominant/submissive dynamic relationship or is this new to you?

Have you been in more than one D/s relationship?

How were they the same? How were they different?

Day 6: What do you feel are the roots of your submission?

Do you think it has something to do with childhood?

Is it a relationship management tool as in the practice of domestic discipline?

Is it a sexual thrill or something else?

Day 7: Do you accept and/or expect discipline or punishments as a part of your submission? How do you feel about it?

Day 8: Is spanking or corporal punishment a part of your submission? Why or why not?

Day 9: Do you accept and/or expect structure, rules and limits as a part of your submission? How do you feel about them?

Day 10: Does any element of BDSM occur as a part of your submissive relationships?

How do you feel about BDSM?

Is it core to your submission, peripheral or non-existent (other than the submission part)?

Day 11: Do you include service as a part of your expectations of your submission?

How do you define service?

What does it mean to you?

If not, what is it about the concept of service that is not for you?

Day 12: Do you include financial submission within the definition of your own submission and if yes, how does it manifest itself?

If no, is there a particular reason why?

Are you familiar with the concepts of financial submission?

Do you have an opinion about financial submission in general?

Day 13: Is sexual availability, being available to your partner any time he or she wants, part of your submission?

Why or why not?

Are there limits to this?

Day 14: Does religion have any bearing on your decision to submit?

If not, are you familiar with religious based submission and do you view it as similar to other types of submission or dissimilar?

Day 15: Has your submission evolved over time?

If so, how has it evolved for you?

If not (or if you are just starting out) how might you see or imagine it evolving in the future?

Day 16: Have you found your submission has changed with different partners/relationships?

If you’re involved with partners of both sexes, does your submission relate or change based on gender or does it depend on the person?

Day 17: What does trust mean to you in the context of submission?

Day 18: Very often the stereotype of submission is that the submissive person loses the ability to have an opinion. While that clearly isn’t true except in the absolute rarest of occasions, how does communication factor into your submission and how do you communicate your desires and needs?

Day 19: How socially connected is your submission? Do you look for others to talk to about your submission for support or networking? Do you go to events or connect through another sort of social grouping either in person or online?

Day 20: Has your submission increased or decreased over time? Have you ever had to renegotiate your submission due to a change in your feelings or circumstance?

Day 21: Is there a physical position that makes you feel most submissive?

Day 22: Can you feel submissive without a dominant partner? If so, how does your submission express itself? If not, how do you handle your submission or submissive feelings?

Day 23: Is there anything about submission (yours or what you see in others) that you question, dislike or repels you? Was there a time you questioned or were resistant to your own submissive feelings?

Day 24: What are the emotions that most directly let you access submission? What feelings do they inspire?

Day 25: Are there items, objects or rituals that represent or help you express submission? If not, have you ever thought of adding or being gifted one? Is there a special significance to these objects or rituals?

Day 26: What are the qualities you seek in a dominant partner and why? Are some qualities deal-breakers as in “must” haves or “must not” have?

Day 27: Do you have submissive desires or fantasies that you have yet to be able to explore? Do some of your desires confuse or frighten you? Do they excite you?

Day 28: Has your submission ever let you down? Have you ever been criticized for your submission? Have you ever regretted being or feeling submissive in a moment or in a relationship? Have you ever looked back and realized you made a mistake and how did you handle your submission going forward from that?

Day 29: Is pain or humiliation (spankings for example) a part of your submission? What is your relationship to it? Do you embrace it as a part of your submission, tolerate it as necessary or have some other type of relationship with it?

Day 30: Is your need to submit being met?

If not, or if your situation changed, do you think that you could continue in your life and still be happy/content if you were never able to express your submission in the way that feels best to you again?

What makes submission special to you?
thanks for reading,
boy stray 

30 Days to Define Y/your Kink as a submissive – Day 2

30 Days to Define your Kink as a submissive i saw these questions on another blog ( http://collaredmom.com/define-your-kink) and thought it would interesting to respond to one question a day (probably non-sequential days) until all are covered. Maybe Y/you will consider writing Y/your own responses in a journal so Y/you can periodically review to see how Y/you have grown or changed.  

If You are a Top/Dom/Master it is possible to rework the questions to reflect Your perspective.

Day 1: Do you view your submission as; Taken in Hand, domestic discipline, top/bottom, dominant/submissive, master/slave, owner/pet, DD/lg; or some other description or combination? If you do not use a label, why?

13 January 2017 – i view my submission as a Dom/sub. i proudly say i am a sub, bottom, boy! i take great pleasure in calling other Men, SIR…even if they are bottoms. One night i called a boy Sir, and he quickly said, “oh, i’m not a Sir.” But i still think of him as a Sir every time I see him now. i even call young men Sir if i think they could be Dominant. Saying a lot is a verbal way of expressing my submissive nature.

Day 2: Describe who you might submit to and how.

14 January 2017 – The  Man i might submit to would be mature and rugged looking, bearded, and extremely self assured.  He would live and exude His Dominance.  He would be borderline aggressive in His dealings, interactions, and expectations of His submissive.  He is kind, compassionate, & passionate sexually and in His lifestyle.  Being a service oriented sub my role would be to maintain order in the household, provide assistance with His day to day chores and needs by making calls, answering phones, writing letters, organizing His office and paperwork, running errands, doing his laundry, laying out His clothes, assisting Him with dressing, chauffeuring Him to wherever He needs to go, preparing and serving Him meals, providing foot rubs, massages, and presenting & serving Him a cocktail after His day at work.  

That’s probably a fairly comprehensive list of chores i could do to provide service a Dom

Are you exclusively submissive in marriage or just in the bedroom?

Exclusively a submissive, gay, bottom boy in life, love, and sex. No compromises

Day 3: How do you know you are submissive or have the potential to be submissive?
Day 4: Do you switch into a dominant role at any time?
Day 5: Have you been or are you in a dominant/submissive dynamic relationship or is this new to you?
Have you been in more than one D/s relationship?
How were they the same? How were they different?
Day 6: What do you feel are the roots of your submission?
Do you think it has something to do with childhood?
Is it a relationship management tool as in the practice of domestic discipline?
Is it a sexual thrill or something else?
Day 7: Do you accept and/or expect discipline or punishments as a part of your submission? How do you feel about it?
Day 8: Is spanking or corporal punishment a part of your submission? Why or why not?
Day 9: Do you accept and/or expect structure, rules and limits as a part of your submission? How do you feel about them?
Day 10: Does any element of BDSM occur as a part of your submissive relationships?
How do you feel about BDSM?
Is it core to your submission, peripheral or non-existent (other than the submission part)?
Day 11: Do you include service as a part of your expectations of your submission?
How do you define service?
What does it mean to you?
If not, what is it about the concept of service that is not for you?
Day 12: Do you include financial submission within the definition of your own submission and if yes, how does it manifest itself?
If no, is there a particular reason why?
Are you familiar with the concepts of financial submission?
Do you have an opinion about financial submission in general?
Day 13: Is sexual availability, being available to your partner any time he or she wants, part of your submission?
Why or why not?
Are there limits to this?
Day 14: Does religion have any bearing on your decision to submit?
If not, are you familiar with religious based submission and do you view it as similar to other types of submission or dissimilar?
Day 15: Has your submission evolved over time?
If so, how has it evolved for you?
If not (or if you are just starting out) how might you see or imagine it evolving in the future?
Day 16: Have you found your submission has changed with different partners/relationships?
If you’re involved with partners of both sexes, does your submission relate or change based on gender or does it depend on the person?
Day 17: What does trust mean to you in the context of submission?
Day 18: Very often the stereotype of submission is that the submissive person loses the ability to have an opinion. While that clearly isn’t true except in the absolute rarest of occasions, how does communication factor into your submission and how do you communicate your desires and needs?
Day 19: How socially connected is your submission? Do you look for others to talk to about your submission for support or networking? Do you go to events or connect through another sort of social grouping either in person or online?
Day 20: Has your submission increased or decreased over time? Have you ever had to renegotiate your submission due to a change in your feelings or circumstance?
Day 21: Is there a physical position that makes you feel most submissive?
Day 22: Can you feel submissive without a dominant partner? If so, how does your submission express itself? If not, how do you handle your submission or submissive feelings?
Day 23: Is there anything about submission (yours or what you see in others) that you question, dislike or repels you? Was there a time you questioned or were resistant to your own submissive feelings?
Day 24: What are the emotions that most directly let you access submission? What feelings do they inspire?
Day 25: Are there items, objects or rituals that represent or help you express submission? If not, have you ever thought of adding or being gifted one? Is there a special significance to these objects or rituals?
Day 26: What are the qualities you seek in a dominant partner and why? Are some qualities deal-breakers as in “must” haves or “must not” have?
Day 27: Do you have submissive desires or fantasies that you have yet to be able to explore? Do some of your desires confuse or frighten you? Do they excite you?
Day 28: Has your submission ever let you down? Have you ever been criticized for your submission? Have you ever regretted being or feeling submissive in a moment or in a relationship? Have you ever looked back and realized you made a mistake and how did you handle your submission going forward from that?
Day 29: Is pain or humiliation (spankings for example) a part of your submission? What is your relationship to it? Do you embrace it as a part of your submission, tolerate it as necessary or have some other type of relationship with it?
Day 30: Is your need to submit being met?
If not, or if your situation changed, do you think that you could continue in your life and still be happy/content if you were never able to express your submission in the way that feels best to you again?
What makes submission special to you?
thanks for reading,

boy stray 

Someday He’ll Come Along, the Man i…?

Today i have an ear worm of that old song, “Someday he’ll come along, the man I love, and he’ll be big and strong, the man i love!  i hesitate to say the man i love part, because i already have love for and from my spouse of many years.  Other words I come up with to finish the stanza are: the Man i serve or the Man i submit to, or the Man who is my Dom!  Not quite the same flow of words, huh?

Why is this song, or more accurately this line from a song stuck in my head today?  Well, i get about forty to fifty emails daily that are from BDSM and/or Leather Men’s groups every day.  i see lots of images of hyper masculine Leather clad men embracing or Dominating a submissive boy in many of those emails.  Also, now that i have reached my late midlife reawakening i find myself about as horny as teenage boy who first finds out he can now ejaculate when he masturbates.  What an incredible feeling!

i use to imagine that a Knight in shining armor would ride in on his white horse and sweep me off my feet and take me to a gleaming castle on a hill to live happily ever after.  So much for fairy tales!  That image has morphed into a tall hairy Dom wearing full black dress leather roaring in on His Harley, smoking a cigar, carrying a flogger on his belt, and sweeping me away to His dungeon to live my life joyfully as His submissive taking care of His every need.  Wow, how time changes one’s hopes, dreams, desires…

Someday He’ll come along, the Dom i love?

Thanks for reading,

boy stray

If He doesn’t come soon, maybe i can change the ear worm to the song, “i’m going on a Man hunt!”

Will, Won’t or Maybe Monday #4

There are so many activities in the BDSM/Kink arsenal that provide pain and pleasure, and allows the Dominant and submissive to overtly demonstrate their affinity for the role they have chosen, or that chose them.  Today i am writing about activities from the BDSM activities checklist that i have done or would like to do…ane one i would NOT do under any circumstances. 

Being serviced 

This is probably well known to most people who have had sex.  In the vanilla context i call it the “do me tops” and “do me bottoms”.  These are the people who lie there practically motionless wanting to have sexual things done to them. They don’t participate other than just having an orifice filled or a hard dick to be ridden.  i think they can be and usually are extremely boring in bed.  However when the power dynamic is added to the scenario it is very erotic to service a Master or to be “done” by the Master.  The act of submitting to your Master or Dom and servicing them sexually without expecting or wanting reciprocity gives a submissive great pleasure …at least it does me!  Servicing and being serviced are two different things (for those new to BDSM/Kink and Power exchange).  As i mentioned in a previous post most online profiles written by submissives focus on what the Dom can do to them, not what the sub can do FOR the Dom.   The subs are requesting to be serviced by a Master.  They aren’t telling a prospective Master what services they can provide the Dominant.  Not to belabor the point but subs should be offering to clean house, do the dishes, cook for and serve the Master, run errands, chauffeur the Master, do laundry, provide secretarial services – answering the phone, typing letters and printing documents for Sir, provide event planning and organization, and a myriad of other tasks to make Sir’s life less hectic and more enjoyable.  

i would suggest deep self examination to determine what services you are wanting to provide a Master, and don’t agree to do those things you detest.  Personally i hate housework.  i would never willingly offer to do that.  However, i love organizing events and making travel arrangements.  That is two things i would definitely offer to provide my Sir.  Make your lists of “will do” and “won’t do” chores, activities or tasks you like to do, and hate to do.  Then write your profile.  The play and sex to me are secondary to other ways i can serve my Master unless he only wants to be serviced.

Being bitten  

I have been bitten only once and that was by a girl when I was about thirteen.  It hurt like hell.  I hadn’t quite gotten to my awakening that can equate pain with pleasure. When I became sexually active i found that men kissing and sucking the back and sides of my neck was really arousing.  It drove me to the heights of passion.  Alas, i have not been bitten by anyone since i was a young teen boy.  But with all the Vampire movies and books showing how being bitten hurts a bit but is also sexually charged i would like to have that experience.  It seems to be the ultimate act of power, seduction, submission, pain and pleasure.  

Bondage  

i will discuss this next week

Boot worship

There is something very sexy about a masculine Dominant in black leather boots that have been well cared for.  Sometimes a Dom wants your submissiveness to show overtly by having you lick, kiss and stroke His boots.  When i am fully into my sub role i easily and gladly prostrate myself or kneel before Sir and worship His boots, and in turn show that i worship His Dominance over me.  It’s not for everyone, and i have never been ordered to lick dirty boots or the sole of the boots.  i would have to evaluate that order based on what kind of dirt or filth may be on them.  It is always my honor and pleasure to worship His boots.

“Brown” Showers 

This is a shitty topic that I know very little about and do not want to experience under ANY circumstances.  Once a long time ago i had an experienced Leather man ask me if i recycled.  i responded, “well sure i do” thinking he out of the blue wanted to know if i put my old papers, empty bottles and cans in a separate bin for the garbage collectors to pick up.  That is  NOT what he was referring to. Later i learned that he was talking about ingesting his feces freshly presented.  i was told once that most people are either shit negative, shit positive or shit neutral.  i am a resounding Shit Negative.  i don’t like it…no way, no how!  But to each their own kinks.

Cages (Being locked inside)

i am claustrophobic and at this time i don’t trust ANYONE enough to be locked in a cage without any way of escaping should the need arise.  It is an act of ultimate trust in the Dom you are playing with or a really stupid move on the part of the submissive.  As with bondage once you are rendered immobile or caged you are at the mercy of the Dominant. I urge you to make the decision to allow yourself to be caged very cautiously and only play with Doms/Masters you know well and have been vetted in community. Have a safe word and tell a friend where you are going, who you are playing with and tell that friend to call you at a prearranged time.  The friend should understand that if they can’t reach you or they haven’t called, that the friend must call the police.  It would be much better to be embarrassed if you are indeed safe and having a great time, than be in a dire situation and no on knows where you are or who you are with.

Caning

The first time i heard of caning was when that nineteen year old boy in Singapore was sentenced for vandalism.  He was to receive four strikes with a rattan cane…a thin, rigid rod.  There were a lot of appeals and international wrangling but in the end he was caned.   

Now, this has become a real implement of pain/pleasure or punishment in the BDSM world. From what i have heard it produces a sharp stinging pain and leaves welts where it strikes the skin.  That young man later said that it caused bleeding and left scars.  That was in 1994.  He is 41 now.  Hard to believe it has been that many years already. Caning, less intense than he received, sounds intriguing to me.

Tell me how you stay safe while playing.

Thanks for reading,

boy stray 

me, me, me….or how can i serve You?

I read a lot of profiles online of Men/boys seeking BDSM connections. Most of the profiles are submitted by submissives and in my opinion are usually asking a Master/Dom to use them, abuse them, & tie them up, or they are seeking a “rape ” scene which is often a gang rape fantasy.

Sometimes i even fall into that mindset of just wanting a big burly Dom to use and abuse me as well.  But it hasn’t happened yet.  my online profile was previously all about what the Dom could do to meet my sexual needs and to play out my BDSM fantasies and desires.  Luckily i’ve known a Dom for about two years who i asked to read my profile.  He provided truthful and constructive criticism, and gave me suggestions on making improvements to the profile to show that i am a service oriented submissive, who seeks to provide services outside of the dungeon, as well as working to meet HIS needs…not mine!  Also i was told to share information about who i am outside of the Leather community

i thought long and hard about my skills, experiences, work history and all other aspects of my life that might benefit a Dom.  i rewrote my profile to include a little about me as a person and then i detailed what this submissive could offer a Dom.  Since i loathe housekeeping that was not an offered service.  But i was able to include organizing His home or office, caring for His leather, cleaning and putting His toys back where they belong.  And, i offered to run errands for Him.  The opportunity to provide other services was left open for discussion.

When a submissive tells a Dominant what he wants or needs or expects to happen is in the relationship or a one time BDSM play scene is in effect Topping from the bottom.  This has become so prevalent that it has become a real problem.  It is discussed in meetings, online, in books, and in magazine articles.  There are many submissive wannabes out there  thinking, they, as a bottom want all these kinky things done to them.  So, when they find themselves in a play situation they begin telling the Dominant what to do and how to do it….”flog me, beat me, bite me, fuck me, spank me…fuck me!”

Some subs coming out now may think that is the way it is…that a bottom or true submissive is supposed to tell the Dom in a scene what he wants.  Doms often comply.  They may not know how or want to exert Their power and Dominance in the relationship or in just a one time scene with some random sub They met online.

THIS IS THE REASON i Am a staunch advocate for developing MENTORSHIPS in the BDSM Community.

W/we need to welcome and nurture new Men/boys into the BDSM Leather community.  T/they need, and most likely want to be guided, supported, educated and brought into the Leather community to become fully integrated as an experienced, educated, and competent Dom or sub.

In a mentoring program, the M/mentor should:

  1. Share T/their personal journey & history
  2. Provide information about the history of BDSM and Leather community
  3. Teach about Old Guard Leather and how it is changing
  4. Teach about an appropriate “mindset” for the role in which T/they see T/themselves
  5. Discuss and assist in learning about & purchasing those items such as Leather boots, belts, pants, vest and anything else T/they will need to overtly exhibit T/their Dominance or submissiveness
  6. Discuss the concept of earning your Leather and what every item signifies as they prepare for T/their life in Leather
  7. Require the mentee to read appropriate books and articles & to give a report to the mentor on each one
  8. Require the mentee to keep a daily journal of thoughts, experiences and questions that will be reviewed by the mentor
  9. Network the community with the mentee introducing H/him to a variety of other people
  10. Assist T/them in examining T/their desires
  11. Help T/them to learn how to find, approach, and negotiate a hot scene with someone
  12. Provide checklists of activities that are to be discussed with a play partner prior to a session beginning
  13. Determine the frequency of face to face meetings based on the knowledge and experience of the M/mentee
  14. Discuss the boy’s Bill of Rights & provide a copy
  15. Discuss Leather Protocols
  16. Assist with developing or editing an online profile

This sounds like a lot of time and energy is invested in the mentoring of another person.  And it probably is, but wouldn’t Y/you have wanted the kind of guidance and education that you as an experienced Dom or sub can now share with a fledgling Dom or sub trying to find T/their way?

Come on Men/boys you can do this!  Y/you should do this!

Develop a Leather BDSM, Kink & Fetish mentoring program in Y/your communities!
Doms…subs…L/leaders of Leather communities, THIS IS A CHALLENGE TO YOU ALL.

One last thing.  i started a Meetup on Meetup .com for Men/boys who want another opportunity to meet and socialize.  Also through the Meetup i hope to develop a mentoring program here in Fort Lauderdale. Contact me if you want more information. 

Let me hear from you.

Thanks for reading,

boy stray