Will, Won’t or Maybe Mondays 

As we continue down the checklist i am including most of the activities possible between consenting adults.  Today we’ll look at four that i have knowledge, experience, and a fondness for, and one that is not my kink at all.

Cock Worship

What can i say about cock worship?  i have done it since the first one i tasted when i was twenty years old.  Cock worship is more than simply cock sucking.  To worship cock you must afford it reverence, respect, adulation.  you approach a cock the way you would a religious shrine.  Some apprehension and reflection on the beauty and power that manifests in that Dom’s cock.  your ultimate goal and desire is to service that cock in the manner such a powerful piece of flesh demands.  you take your time with it.  And when He shoots His load, the essence of life and humanity, you do not spit it out.  you gratefully accept it into your body with deep appreciation.

That is Cock Worship!


A collar is a device of any material that is worn around the neck of the submissive during play.  However, more importantly, the collar is a symbol worn by a submissive denoting that they are in a D/s relationship and/or are owned.  Some Masters and Doms will conduct a formal collaring ceremony either privately or sharing the occasion with friends and community.  Also, there are collars of consideration and training collars.  Collars are not a piece of jewelry to be touched and fondled by other people.  Remember respect in the BDSM Kink community is very important.  Always ask if you can look closer or touch it.  Be prepared to hear a NO.  If you see someone who is collared it is appropriate to speak to the Dom first and ask if it is okay to speak with or hug the submissive person.  Again, respect.  You are acknowledging the Dom’s position in community and in that relationship.  Usually the collar is locked onto the sub’s neck, and the Dom holds the key.  If the D/s relationship ends, the collar is removed by the Dom.  Recently i attended a memorial service where I learned when a submissive dies it is important to treat the collar with reverence and that it can be placed in an honored position in the home of the Dom or the caregiver if that person is a member of the Leather community.  A collar has great significance and deserves your respect.


Cuffs are exciting, exhilarating pieces of BDSM equipment.  As i have related in previous posts i submitted to being cuffed as recently as yesterday for an erotic photo shoot.  It is ultimate submission in my mind because you are giving complete power over to the Dom through an overt action that signifies ultimate trust in that Dom.

Once you are cuffed He has total control of you and can do anything He wants to you.  Trust must be established prior to this kind of submission.  i completely trusted my photographer.

Being cuffed yesterday put me immediately into a sub headspace.  My other senses heightened.  i knew what i hoped He would do as He held total power and control over me.  But, that’ll wait for another time and person.


Some Doms and subs get into diaper play and infantilism.  The sub regresses to that stage in life when a baby is completely reliant on it’s parent or caregiver to meet its every need.  And one of those needs is to have their diaper put on, and to be changed when it is wet or soiled.  Players in this kink can be into urine play only or it could involve both piss and shit.

The only thing i can say in addition is, your kink may not be my kink, but your kink is OK!


My best friends!  They are always stiff, just the right length and girth, and perpetually ready for action whenever the urge hits you.  No dinner, drinks or small talk with someone on a date that you hope will fuck you at the end of the evening.  No wondering if He is hung large enough; no wondering if he can get it up and keep it up; no wondering or dreading that He may be a two minute man.

Wake up horny?  Reach for the drawer in your nightstand.  Rough day at work?  Or your trick was a lousy lay?  The dildo is ever ready for hot action.  you don’t have to worry that it’ll cum to soon.  Whether you go deep, hard and fast, or slow and easy, the dildo meets your every need when you want to be penetrated.  I have two pink rubber ones, two inflatable ones of different sizes, and a curvy prostate massager.  All of these are different sizes, shapes and contours.

Stock up.  They can be your best friends too.

More next week.

Thanks for reading,

boy stray

The Master…the end!

i continued my daily check in for about eight more days.  And i received not one message of acknowledgement.  Getting more and more sure i was being played the fool, i emailed him through a Kink BDSM hookup site that i saw him on repeatedly during those eight days.

i wrote a simple note asking if i should continue to check in daily.  A terse note came back, “I don’t have time for this now boy”.  i wrote “Fine Sir” back to him. His response, “I am much to busy for this at this time”.

It was quite obvious a couple weeks ago it would come to an end soon. But silly boy kept hope alive. Now it is done.

i done been played yet again.

my journey continues & my head is held high.

Thanks for reading,

boy stray

me, me, me….or how can i serve You?

I read a lot of profiles online of Men/boys seeking BDSM connections. Most of the profiles are submitted by submissives and in my opinion are usually asking a Master/Dom to use them, abuse them, & tie them up, or they are seeking a “rape ” scene which is often a gang rape fantasy.

Sometimes i even fall into that mindset of just wanting a big burly Dom to use and abuse me as well.  But it hasn’t happened yet.  my online profile was previously all about what the Dom could do to meet my sexual needs and to play out my BDSM fantasies and desires.  Luckily i’ve known a Dom for about two years who i asked to read my profile.  He provided truthful and constructive criticism, and gave me suggestions on making improvements to the profile to show that i am a service oriented submissive, who seeks to provide services outside of the dungeon, as well as working to meet HIS needs…not mine!  Also i was told to share information about who i am outside of the Leather community

i thought long and hard about my skills, experiences, work history and all other aspects of my life that might benefit a Dom.  i rewrote my profile to include a little about me as a person and then i detailed what this submissive could offer a Dom.  Since i loathe housekeeping that was not an offered service.  But i was able to include organizing His home or office, caring for His leather, cleaning and putting His toys back where they belong.  And, i offered to run errands for Him.  The opportunity to provide other services was left open for discussion.

When a submissive tells a Dominant what he wants or needs or expects to happen is in the relationship or a one time BDSM play scene is in effect Topping from the bottom.  This has become so prevalent that it has become a real problem.  It is discussed in meetings, online, in books, and in magazine articles.  There are many submissive wannabes out there  thinking, they, as a bottom want all these kinky things done to them.  So, when they find themselves in a play situation they begin telling the Dominant what to do and how to do it….”flog me, beat me, bite me, fuck me, spank me…fuck me!”

Some subs coming out now may think that is the way it is…that a bottom or true submissive is supposed to tell the Dom in a scene what he wants.  Doms often comply.  They may not know how or want to exert Their power and Dominance in the relationship or in just a one time scene with some random sub They met online.

THIS IS THE REASON i Am a staunch advocate for developing MENTORSHIPS in the BDSM Community.

W/we need to welcome and nurture new Men/boys into the BDSM Leather community.  T/they need, and most likely want to be guided, supported, educated and brought into the Leather community to become fully integrated as an experienced, educated, and competent Dom or sub.

In a mentoring program, the M/mentor should:

  1. Share T/their personal journey & history
  2. Provide information about the history of BDSM and Leather community
  3. Teach about Old Guard Leather and how it is changing
  4. Teach about an appropriate “mindset” for the role in which T/they see T/themselves
  5. Discuss and assist in learning about & purchasing those items such as Leather boots, belts, pants, vest and anything else T/they will need to overtly exhibit T/their Dominance or submissiveness
  6. Discuss the concept of earning your Leather and what every item signifies as they prepare for T/their life in Leather
  7. Require the mentee to read appropriate books and articles & to give a report to the mentor on each one
  8. Require the mentee to keep a daily journal of thoughts, experiences and questions that will be reviewed by the mentor
  9. Network the community with the mentee introducing H/him to a variety of other people
  10. Assist T/them in examining T/their desires
  11. Help T/them to learn how to find, approach, and negotiate a hot scene with someone
  12. Provide checklists of activities that are to be discussed with a play partner prior to a session beginning
  13. Determine the frequency of face to face meetings based on the knowledge and experience of the M/mentee
  14. Discuss the boy’s Bill of Rights & provide a copy
  15. Discuss Leather Protocols
  16. Assist with developing or editing an online profile

This sounds like a lot of time and energy is invested in the mentoring of another person.  And it probably is, but wouldn’t Y/you have wanted the kind of guidance and education that you as an experienced Dom or sub can now share with a fledgling Dom or sub trying to find T/their way?

Come on Men/boys you can do this!  Y/you should do this!

Develop a Leather BDSM, Kink & Fetish mentoring program in Y/your communities!
Doms…subs…L/leaders of Leather communities, THIS IS A CHALLENGE TO YOU ALL.

One last thing.  i started a Meetup on Meetup .com for Men/boys who want another opportunity to meet and socialize.  Also through the Meetup i hope to develop a mentoring program here in Fort Lauderdale. Contact me if you want more information. 

Let me hear from you.

Thanks for reading,

boy stray

What is sub Headspace?

In several readings about BDSM i saw references to something called the sub headspace.  i didn’t know what it was or if i’d ever experienced it myself, so i did a lot more reading about “sub headspace” or more simply, “subspace” and reflected deeply on my few D/s sessions.

It is hard to intellectually explain something that encompasses thoughts, emotions, physical sensations, and perhaps a bit of an out of body experience.  i didn’t realize until i began reading that i have had two episodes of sub Headspace.  Another opportunity to achieve a sort of subspace, or subspace lite, occurred with a different Master, but was ended abruptly by me.

Master #1 and #2

At first it was the physical Dominance of the Master, the need, the desire to serve/service Him and develop an emotional connection with Him.  Then, the sound of His commanding voice and His actual commands propelled me deeper into the funny, floating feeling.  Then the blindfold blocked out all light and visual cues as to what was happening, and what would follow.  i was shackled, hands and feet, to the bench where i would Remain throughout the session.  i felt the flogger slapping against my butt with increasing intensity…and pain.  As i listened to the Master’s commands, His occasional moans of approval, and His voice low and sensual as He said several times, “Ahhh, that’s it…that’s right!” as i moved and twitched and moaned in pain and approval.

All i could hear was His voice, the swish of the flogger and it’s slap against my ass…over and over.  And of course the clanging of the restraint clips as they pulled against the metal bench to which i was shackled.  i felt the sting of the flogger on my skin.  i could see nothing.  my head swam with confusion at first, then i felt an ever deeper connection with my Dom – as if W/we were in sync with each other.  i lost track of time; i was floating in a kind of out of body experience.  i knew what was happening and where i was but, at times it didn’t feel it was real.  i must admit that as a novice i had two brief mind intrusions with a little voice in my head saying, “what the fuck am i doing?”.  But, they were short lived thoughts and I didn’t need to use a safe word to end the session out of shame or guilt.

All these thoughts, feelings, emotions and sensations culminated in what I now believe was my sub Headspace experience.  i had the same feeling of having reached sub Headspace when I was with that Dom another time.

The other Master

Earlier i mentioned having 1/2 a BDSM session.  i just described the first and eluded to the second.  So where and how does one have a third short or 1/2 session?  I guess you could say using a safe word could end a session prematurely.  In my instance of the half session, i first allowed myself to endure a period of public humiliation outside a coffeehouse that had been ordered by a different Master before ever having met him in person.  RED Flag! – ignored.  i did a couple more things he ordered.  RED FLAGS! – again ignored.  i was really, actually enjoying His Dominance, His German accent and the way He commanded my attention.  My reaching for subspace ended abruptly after i exposed my back in the men’s room and He unexpectedly struck me twice with His belt.  i quickly turned to face Him and said, “not here!” as He was about to swing the belt a third time.  i dressed and left a few seconds after Him keeping my head bowed in case anyone had heard the loud whack coming from the restroom.  If He hadn’t been so nonchalant about wielding His unsafe and illegal commands, and having little to no respect for me by having me nearly caught with my proverbial pants down, I truly think He could have put me in a really light and enjoyable subspace.

subspace – floating, out of body sensation, flying, a high from all the Endorphins being released in the brain, surreal, hypnotic state.

my sessions left me craving more…a longer, more intense session next time as the hour long sessions seemed but a few minutes.

However, what i have described is my experience of subspace.  Everyone who actually experiences it, and many may not, will probably describe it in a different way than i did. And there are some who probably experience it but can’t articulate the sensation at all.

Those who don’t feel anything different except the physical sensations may not be fully present in the session – they may not be emotionally connected or physically attracted to the Dom or Master; they may mentally be thinking of kids, money, errands that need to be done, or even, when will this be over.  They may feel time is moving slow.  This is a bad scene that hopefully only happens with a new, inexperienced play partner, or at a particularly stressful time in the subs life.  

This is my attempt to explain something in words that truly must be experienced!  Hope you find you own subspace soon.

Thanks for reading,

boy stray 
Oh, soon i will tell you about my experiences with RED FLAGS (am I color blind?) 


Safe Words (where is one when you need it)




A slave’s Prayer

A slave’s Prayer 

Allow me the serenity to serve Him in peace

Allow me the love to show Him

Allow me the tenderness to comfort Him

Allow me the light to show us the way

Allow me the wisdom to be an asset to Him

Let me be able to show Him each day my love of service to Him

Let me open myself up to completely belong to Him

Let me accept my punishments with grace

Let me learn to please Him beyond myself 

Grant me the power to give myself to Him completely 

Give me the strength to please us both 

Permit me to love myself in loving Him 

Master, owner of my body 

Master, owner of my body and director of my will, you are with me. I am thankful that i serve you.   Let me be transparent as glass, that my heart may be visible always, for my entire self, even unto the workings of my mind, are yours. 

Master, I honor you with my service and submit to you with my thoughts, words and deeds, so that I may be a reflection of your will, and the manifestation of your desires. 

I am your slave 


I am your slave and your property 

I will work and I will sacrifice that I may reflect your intentions, and make of myself a window to the soul you own.  Use me Master, as you see fit, that I may learn to serve and to submit to you in all things. 

In gratitude 

In gratitude I serve, and in thankfulness I submit, and in peace i honor my Master with my trust. 

The Master

A few weeks ago i was contacted by a Dominant/Master on recon.com after my initial “cruise”.  i didn’t really think too much of it since hookups for this boy are fairly nonexistent.  But we talked via the website off and on for a while, until one day He wrote that He wanted boy to get Yahoo Messenger, which i did immediately.

On December 4th we began a near daily communication via yahoo.com.  He is considering my loyalty, honesty and mettle to be a slave to Him.

The Master is out of town for a while, but He gives this boy orders and directives – all of which have been done fairly easily so far.

boy stray is really excited to be considered as a slave, and the current distance between The Master and boy affords He and i the opportunity to talk and get to know each other more before actually meeting in person.  it also prevents the rapid jump to dungeon play without knowing each other well.

The Master, who is about my age, is very handsome and well built from what i see in the pictures He has sent.  boy is currently in verbally ordered chastity, is to keep pubic area shaved which is standard for most slaves and boy is to check in with The Master every day without exception.

i do worry about being able to sustain an Internet only communication for 6 more weeks. And i worry about whether The Master will approve of boy when W/we finally meet.

i hope i don’t fuck this up!

Gathering Information & Learning

My foray into the BDSM world began by doing Internet searches and reading everything I could find on “Gay BDSM” “Gay Leather” “Gay Kink” “BDSM submissive” “Dominant/submissive relationships” and every other combination of words & phrases I thought might yield some Internet gold.  I read everything I could find on these topics, and then concentrated largely on “How to Find a Dom” website links.

Google search became my friend.  But it seemed most sites and blog posts were either directed toward young gay men, or toward heterosexual D/s relationships.  But I felt I could learn something from all of them, even the straight oriented sites.

Then, I heard about a website specifically for gay male BDSM/Kink hookups and relationships.  I’ve had a profile on there for about two years; it’s updated periodically, but I have yet to meet anyone beyond the casual online banter back and forth.  Lots of big talkers, but no action!

I sometimes get down on myself thinking I am too old and believing that they think my stamina could not keep pace with them, and as an HIV+ long term survivor I feel perhaps people are afraid of HIV still.  But there are also the older Doms, say 45 years old and up, who ONLY want to meet, talk to or hookup with slender, hairless submissive boy’s under 35 years old.  Some of the Doms aren’t even necessarily that drop-dead gorgeous themselves or athletic in appearance, but they certainly “exclude” a lot of potentially fun subs that would serve them well.
So, that was the hookup sites.  Then I turned to Amazon.com and found a few books that I’ve enjoyed reading and really learned some things in the process.  I read The Complete Leatherboy Handbook, Leathersex, Leatherfolk, Becoming a Slave, and Mr. Benson.  I recommend them all to anyone interested in gay BDSM life and relationships.  Some books are even on Kindle for those of us who need instant gratification.

I found a site called FetLife.  You won’t believe how many Kinksters there are out the in cyberspace or the array of things they get into.  I joined some groups, made a couple online friends, and even a couple friends with whom I met, socialized with and learned from.  I really valued those friendships till I fucked up the most important one.  He is a Dom or Master, well known in the community, an educator, mentor, and runs a very active Leather family household.  We became acquainted through classes he taught.  I confide in him, and he kept me from making big mistakes regarding hooking up with men who were not connected, friended by or known by some of the leaders in the BDSM Leather.  Safety is Paramount in hooking up.  You (I) could easily be hurt or killed by an uneducated Dom, or even by someone who actually intends to do harm.

Anyway back to my major fuck up…I was texting the Master daily just to check in, ask questions, get feedback, and above all follow orders NOT to hook up randomly.  I had this texting and occasional face to face relationship for about a year to a year and a half.  He had van discussed with me beginning an educational program for submissive boys to help them to learn and grow into the role they’ve chosen.  But, I got anxious and impatient that he couldn’t jump in and start as quickly as I wanted. So, a six week class was offered on Exploring submission at my usual BDSM learning forum and I registered.  I did not tell Master that I was taking the class for whatever reason I thought I had.  On the second night of class in walks Master to speak with the instructor and owner of the Leather store.  We hugged but he was cool and aloof.  The next day I texted an apology, but it wasn’t really accepted.  So, my most important relationship in the BDSM Leather community was FUBAR’d- for those too young to know, it means fucked up beyond all recognition!

I think I’ll text him again now that it’s been six weeks since we saw each other.

From hat whole scenario I learned to FUCKING BE TOTALLY HONEST in dealings with other people.

Next time, connections and friends are made…