i learned a couple weeks ago that a friend has entered a polyamorous Leather BDSM relationship.  i saw Facebook posts of the three of them a few weeks ago, but just thought they had become fast, new friends.  I guess in a way they have.  I met the sub in the primary couple in the summer.  The Dominant i met in about October.  Great guys.  They both are good looking, look good together, and both are sexy, hot, experienced Leathermen.

i saw that my friend was wearing a “training” collar as kind of a commitment to the couple to see if their situation might become a permanent triad relationship. Of course i am happy for all three of them…they do look great together and seem very happy.  Part of me is jealousy….Green!  The friend is new to Leather and BDSM from what he has told me, and he has the audacity to already find himself in a potentially fantastic Leather triad relationship.  Of course i do have to say he is twenty years younger than i, is tall, goodlooking, muscled, and has a great personality.   He is, you might say, the whole package!  And i do wish them much luck, love, pain/pleasure, if that is what they seek together.

i, on the other hand, have been actively searching for a Dom for at least a year and, no luck so far.

Years ago i wanted a triad relationship.  i had a friend back in my home state who was a bear and he was in relationship with two other bears.  It was a hot mix of fur, that i was horn-dogging to be in the middle of at the time…never happened though.  It does seem a great premise, a polyamory relationship.  Three or more incomes, hopefully more men to regularly have sex with, one mortgage or rent payment, and even more friends as each brings their “besties” to the poly’s realm of friendships.  All positives!

Since being on a couple Leather BDSM Facebook groups i have read about a lot of other people being in poly amorous relationships.  Wonder how adding a third person comes up in general conversation between the primary couple?  Were they always sexual explorers, adventurous and communicative about their fantasies and needs?  Did it come up because one couldn’t fulfill the high sexual demands of the other?  Did they discuss it as a way to save or keep their relationship going?

In heterosexual triads why does it always seem to be a male Dom with two submissive females?  I would like to see a Domme with two submissive boys.  That could be hot!

But there can be problems or concerns in these kinds of relationships.  Some people have trouble feeling that anyone could love them, let alone have two or more partners that love him equally.  There may be feelings of anxiety about whether they would have the time and energy for a third person.  Would adding a third person allow ample time and energy for other family members & friends, or for work or school?  There may be fear that a break-up with one person would lead to a break-up with the other.  They may worry about whether the partners would get along, or whether one of them would feel neglected or left out.  Are they all getting their physical, emotional, sexual, financial and spiritual needs met?

Other things to consider before entering into a poly relationship:

How will the triad relationship be structured?  Will the relationship with the third, or fourth person be romantic, platonic, or sexual.  Will all people involved have sex with everyone else in the relationship?  Is it a monogamous or non monogamous triad?  If non monogamous, that would add potentially a lot more sexual contacts and  relationships into the situation.  Is the relationship going to be considered a serious, long-term one, or one that is temporary in which plans for the distant future are not made by all partners.

 How, oh, how do you tell your family of origin that you:

  • are gay
  • are into Leather BDSM/Kink
  • that you and your long term partner have decided to add one or more men to your relationship?

i don’t know about you but coming out gay and then as having HIV/AIDS was way hard enough.  When my husband found out my renewed and intense interest & commitment to Leather and kink he blew a gasket.  If i were to say i want a triad relationship he would probably have a stroke, or run for his life!

Exploring Polyamory

“Having an idea about what you want your relationship to be like allows you to figure out whether it’s something you really want.  Maybe your expectations aren’t very specific.  Maybe you’re not 100% sure about what you do want, but you know for sure what you don’t want.

That’s okay. Take your time to figure it out! It’s not important that you know exactly what you want from the beginning of the relationship. But it’s important that you communicate about your expectations to your partner(s).”

Quoted from:


This is just what i have been thinking about this week.  What is on your mind?  What have you been thinking about?

are you in a Polyamory relationship?  If so i would like to hear from you.  Tell me about it.  Did i cover some good points, or do I miss the mark this time?

thanks for reading,

boy stray