me, me, me….or how can i serve You?

I read a lot of profiles online of Men/boys seeking BDSM connections. Most of the profiles are submitted by submissives and in my opinion are usually asking a Master/Dom to use them, abuse them, & tie them up, or they are seeking a “rape ” scene which is often a gang rape fantasy.

Sometimes i even fall into that mindset of just wanting a big burly Dom to use and abuse me as well.  But it hasn’t happened yet.  my online profile was previously all about what the Dom could do to meet my sexual needs and to play out my BDSM fantasies and desires.  Luckily i’ve known a Dom for about two years who i asked to read my profile.  He provided truthful and constructive criticism, and gave me suggestions on making improvements to the profile to show that i am a service oriented submissive, who seeks to provide services outside of the dungeon, as well as working to meet HIS needs…not mine!  Also i was told to share information about who i am outside of the Leather community

i thought long and hard about my skills, experiences, work history and all other aspects of my life that might benefit a Dom.  i rewrote my profile to include a little about me as a person and then i detailed what this submissive could offer a Dom.  Since i loathe housekeeping that was not an offered service.  But i was able to include organizing His home or office, caring for His leather, cleaning and putting His toys back where they belong.  And, i offered to run errands for Him.  The opportunity to provide other services was left open for discussion.

When a submissive tells a Dominant what he wants or needs or expects to happen is in the relationship or a one time BDSM play scene is in effect Topping from the bottom.  This has become so prevalent that it has become a real problem.  It is discussed in meetings, online, in books, and in magazine articles.  There are many submissive wannabes out there  thinking, they, as a bottom want all these kinky things done to them.  So, when they find themselves in a play situation they begin telling the Dominant what to do and how to do it….”flog me, beat me, bite me, fuck me, spank me…fuck me!”

Some subs coming out now may think that is the way it is…that a bottom or true submissive is supposed to tell the Dom in a scene what he wants.  Doms often comply.  They may not know how or want to exert Their power and Dominance in the relationship or in just a one time scene with some random sub They met online.

THIS IS THE REASON i Am a staunch advocate for developing MENTORSHIPS in the BDSM Community.

W/we need to welcome and nurture new Men/boys into the BDSM Leather community.  T/they need, and most likely want to be guided, supported, educated and brought into the Leather community to become fully integrated as an experienced, educated, and competent Dom or sub.

In a mentoring program, the M/mentor should:

  1. Share T/their personal journey & history
  2. Provide information about the history of BDSM and Leather community
  3. Teach about Old Guard Leather and how it is changing
  4. Teach about an appropriate “mindset” for the role in which T/they see T/themselves
  5. Discuss and assist in learning about & purchasing those items such as Leather boots, belts, pants, vest and anything else T/they will need to overtly exhibit T/their Dominance or submissiveness
  6. Discuss the concept of earning your Leather and what every item signifies as they prepare for T/their life in Leather
  7. Require the mentee to read appropriate books and articles & to give a report to the mentor on each one
  8. Require the mentee to keep a daily journal of thoughts, experiences and questions that will be reviewed by the mentor
  9. Network the community with the mentee introducing H/him to a variety of other people
  10. Assist T/them in examining T/their desires
  11. Help T/them to learn how to find, approach, and negotiate a hot scene with someone
  12. Provide checklists of activities that are to be discussed with a play partner prior to a session beginning
  13. Determine the frequency of face to face meetings based on the knowledge and experience of the M/mentee
  14. Discuss the boy’s Bill of Rights & provide a copy
  15. Discuss Leather Protocols
  16. Assist with developing or editing an online profile

This sounds like a lot of time and energy is invested in the mentoring of another person.  And it probably is, but wouldn’t Y/you have wanted the kind of guidance and education that you as an experienced Dom or sub can now share with a fledgling Dom or sub trying to find T/their way?

Come on Men/boys you can do this!  Y/you should do this!

Develop a Leather BDSM, Kink & Fetish mentoring program in Y/your communities!
Doms…subs…L/leaders of Leather communities, THIS IS A CHALLENGE TO YOU ALL.

One last thing.  i started a Meetup on Meetup .com for Men/boys who want another opportunity to meet and socialize.  Also through the Meetup i hope to develop a mentoring program here in Fort Lauderdale. Contact me if you want more information. 

Let me hear from you.

Thanks for reading,

boy stray

What is sub Headspace?

In several readings about BDSM i saw references to something called the sub headspace.  i didn’t know what it was or if i’d ever experienced it myself, so i did a lot more reading about “sub headspace” or more simply, “subspace” and reflected deeply on my few D/s sessions.

It is hard to intellectually explain something that encompasses thoughts, emotions, physical sensations, and perhaps a bit of an out of body experience.  i didn’t realize until i began reading that i have had two episodes of sub Headspace.  Another opportunity to achieve a sort of subspace, or subspace lite, occurred with a different Master, but was ended abruptly by me.

Master #1 and #2

At first it was the physical Dominance of the Master, the need, the desire to serve/service Him and develop an emotional connection with Him.  Then, the sound of His commanding voice and His actual commands propelled me deeper into the funny, floating feeling.  Then the blindfold blocked out all light and visual cues as to what was happening, and what would follow.  i was shackled, hands and feet, to the bench where i would Remain throughout the session.  i felt the flogger slapping against my butt with increasing intensity…and pain.  As i listened to the Master’s commands, His occasional moans of approval, and His voice low and sensual as He said several times, “Ahhh, that’s it…that’s right!” as i moved and twitched and moaned in pain and approval.

All i could hear was His voice, the swish of the flogger and it’s slap against my ass…over and over.  And of course the clanging of the restraint clips as they pulled against the metal bench to which i was shackled.  i felt the sting of the flogger on my skin.  i could see nothing.  my head swam with confusion at first, then i felt an ever deeper connection with my Dom – as if W/we were in sync with each other.  i lost track of time; i was floating in a kind of out of body experience.  i knew what was happening and where i was but, at times it didn’t feel it was real.  i must admit that as a novice i had two brief mind intrusions with a little voice in my head saying, “what the fuck am i doing?”.  But, they were short lived thoughts and I didn’t need to use a safe word to end the session out of shame or guilt.

All these thoughts, feelings, emotions and sensations culminated in what I now believe was my sub Headspace experience.  i had the same feeling of having reached sub Headspace when I was with that Dom another time.

The other Master

Earlier i mentioned having 1/2 a BDSM session.  i just described the first and eluded to the second.  So where and how does one have a third short or 1/2 session?  I guess you could say using a safe word could end a session prematurely.  In my instance of the half session, i first allowed myself to endure a period of public humiliation outside a coffeehouse that had been ordered by a different Master before ever having met him in person.  RED Flag! – ignored.  i did a couple more things he ordered.  RED FLAGS! – again ignored.  i was really, actually enjoying His Dominance, His German accent and the way He commanded my attention.  My reaching for subspace ended abruptly after i exposed my back in the men’s room and He unexpectedly struck me twice with His belt.  i quickly turned to face Him and said, “not here!” as He was about to swing the belt a third time.  i dressed and left a few seconds after Him keeping my head bowed in case anyone had heard the loud whack coming from the restroom.  If He hadn’t been so nonchalant about wielding His unsafe and illegal commands, and having little to no respect for me by having me nearly caught with my proverbial pants down, I truly think He could have put me in a really light and enjoyable subspace.

subspace – floating, out of body sensation, flying, a high from all the Endorphins being released in the brain, surreal, hypnotic state.

my sessions left me craving more…a longer, more intense session next time as the hour long sessions seemed but a few minutes.

However, what i have described is my experience of subspace.  Everyone who actually experiences it, and many may not, will probably describe it in a different way than i did. And there are some who probably experience it but can’t articulate the sensation at all.

Those who don’t feel anything different except the physical sensations may not be fully present in the session – they may not be emotionally connected or physically attracted to the Dom or Master; they may mentally be thinking of kids, money, errands that need to be done, or even, when will this be over.  They may feel time is moving slow.  This is a bad scene that hopefully only happens with a new, inexperienced play partner, or at a particularly stressful time in the subs life.  

This is my attempt to explain something in words that truly must be experienced!  Hope you find you own subspace soon.

Thanks for reading,

boy stray 
Oh, soon i will tell you about my experiences with RED FLAGS (am I color blind?) 


Safe Words (where is one when you need it)




A slave’s Prayer

A slave’s Prayer 

Allow me the serenity to serve Him in peace

Allow me the love to show Him

Allow me the tenderness to comfort Him

Allow me the light to show us the way

Allow me the wisdom to be an asset to Him

Let me be able to show Him each day my love of service to Him

Let me open myself up to completely belong to Him

Let me accept my punishments with grace

Let me learn to please Him beyond myself 

Grant me the power to give myself to Him completely 

Give me the strength to please us both 

Permit me to love myself in loving Him 

Master, owner of my body 

Master, owner of my body and director of my will, you are with me. I am thankful that i serve you.   Let me be transparent as glass, that my heart may be visible always, for my entire self, even unto the workings of my mind, are yours. 

Master, I honor you with my service and submit to you with my thoughts, words and deeds, so that I may be a reflection of your will, and the manifestation of your desires. 

I am your slave 


I am your slave and your property 

I will work and I will sacrifice that I may reflect your intentions, and make of myself a window to the soul you own.  Use me Master, as you see fit, that I may learn to serve and to submit to you in all things. 

In gratitude 

In gratitude I serve, and in thankfulness I submit, and in peace i honor my Master with my trust. 

The Master

A few weeks ago i was contacted by a Dominant/Master on after my initial “cruise”.  i didn’t really think too much of it since hookups for this boy are fairly nonexistent.  But we talked via the website off and on for a while, until one day He wrote that He wanted boy to get Yahoo Messenger, which i did immediately.

On December 4th we began a near daily communication via  He is considering my loyalty, honesty and mettle to be a slave to Him.

The Master is out of town for a while, but He gives this boy orders and directives – all of which have been done fairly easily so far.

boy stray is really excited to be considered as a slave, and the current distance between The Master and boy affords He and i the opportunity to talk and get to know each other more before actually meeting in person.  it also prevents the rapid jump to dungeon play without knowing each other well.

The Master, who is about my age, is very handsome and well built from what i see in the pictures He has sent.  boy is currently in verbally ordered chastity, is to keep pubic area shaved which is standard for most slaves and boy is to check in with The Master every day without exception.

i do worry about being able to sustain an Internet only communication for 6 more weeks. And i worry about whether The Master will approve of boy when W/we finally meet.

i hope i don’t fuck this up!

The Differences Between a submissive & a slave

What is the difference between a submissive and a slave?

Ultimate, total, non consensual slavery is illegal! Therefore, a person who wants to enter voluntarily into this type of situation, commitment or relationship has only two rights. By choosing to become a slave, the slave exercises the first right by consenting to submit totally to the the man, who becomes his Master. The Master, then, maintains complete control of the slave in all aspects of his life: sexually, physically, emotionally, economically, socially, and spiritually. The slave retains only one other right. That is the right to say No, which in effect is a declaration of intent to end the M/s relationship. The slave can leave at any time he chooses; to be prevented from leaving is illegal.


• A submissive is someone who can and should negotiate; a slave can not
• A submissive has limits; a slave gives up all limits except those that his Master sets for him.
• A submissive obeys and serves his Dominant by choosing to do so each time while retaining his free will; a slave initially makes a choice to obey and submit to his Master at all times and in all matters
• A submissive accepts submission; a slave accepts obedience.
• A submissive can simply play as a submissive; a slave enters a lifestyle.
• A submissive retains some rights within the context of the D/s relationship; a slave gives up all rights and becomes, in effect, property of the Master.
• A submissive commits to voluntary service; a slave is owned & possessed.
• A submissive consents to agreed upon protocols of behavior; a slave has no rights regarding expectations of protocol & typically is not allowed to sit on furniture or wear clothes, and always kneels at his Master’s feet.
• A submissive has a safe-word that ends play; a slave has consented to no-consent.
• A slave must be a submissive, but a submissive is not necessarily a slave.


A boy who consents to the ultimate form of submission, that is to become a slave, gives up his sense of self and personhood. he becomes an “it” for all intents and purposes. his self worth is bound to his desire to completely serve and please is Master.
A submissive and a slave both have a deep need or desire to submit, to surrender, or to give up at least some part of their will, control, and power to a Dominant. They most often “need” this because pleasing and/or offering service to a Dominant who has earned their trust, their respect and (generally) their love, is an integral part of a submissive/slave’s fulfillment and satisfaction.

Let me know if you identify as a slave, and if you are owned currently

Let me know if you are a submissive, collared, and/or in a 24/7 relationship


Edited and adapted from:



Potential Roles for submissives/slaves

I am sharing a link to an excellent post from another Blog that I follow.  It is thought provoking by describing the various roles a submissive/slave may want to consider should they want to live the lifestyle 24/7 or intermittently.

The Blog is dave94015 on WordPress.

Click on the link below, then let me know your opinion about the post, the roles presented, and tell me which role(s) you fulfill or would like to assume for your Dom.

Thanks, and I hope to hear from you soon .