30 Days to Define your Kink as a submissive 

This morning i can’t sleep yet again.  It’s 3:45 a.m.  My dogs woke me up as they do quite often at this time, and that means i am awake at least a couple hours.  i like Blogging when i wake up, but i have to be careful to double check my writing for nonsensical phrases and for typos – those that i make, and those auto correct changes inaccurately.

Today i will answer two questions again.  
Day 17:  Trust.  What does trust mean to you in the context of submission?

Trust is a vital element in any relationship, but i think even more so in BDSM.   Both the Dom and the sub need to establish trust through openness, honesty, and detailed communication.  Since BDSM is a full on contact activity that can induce pain, bruises, abrasions, and bleeding as well as intense emotional reactions the people involved must be able to develop a trusting relationship even if it only lasts through the scene.  The sub must be able to trust that the Dom will not deliberately hurt them.  They must trust the Dom will lessen intensity or stop all action if a safe word is used by the sub.  Both the Dom and sub need to trust that the other will not expose them deliberately to HIV, Hepatitis, or any other STD.  Each person must trust that all toys and equipment have been cleaned thoroughly before play.  Prior to the scene the sub should express a need for aftercare during and after the play session and trust the Dom will provide it as agreed on.  

And, each needs to trust that the other person is willingly participating and that they will bring excitement, enthusiasm and sensuality into the session.  

Trust is the key to an enjoyable play scene.

Day 18: Very often the stereotype of submission is that the submissive person loses the ability to have an opinion. While that clearly isn’t true except in the absolute rarest of occasions, how does communication factor into your submission and how do you communicate your desires and needs?

When i began to delve into the BDSM Leather community i fervently believed a real sub would never disagree with or contradict what the Dom says or does.  It’s amazing to look back at old journal entries to see how much i have grown and changed over the years.  i still believe the sub must be respectful always of their Doms opinions but that a sub can disagree and voice their own opinion.  Always maintaining respect especially in front of other Doms and subs!  Disrespecting or dishonoring your Dom reflects poorly on Y/you both.  you for being insolent and the Dom for allowing such behavior.  

The desires and needs of the sub must be discussed before any action occurs during the open dialogue about those activities Y/you will and won’t do, Y/your hard limits, contractual specifics, and in working to develop trust between all parties involved.  During a play session the sub can express their needs and desires by vocalizing moans, groans and other noises that demonstrate the sub is enjoying the activity.  Also, i observed once a sub being struck on the back by a bullwhip.  He verbalized “Thank You Sir” each time a sting of pain/pleasure hit him.  It could be agreed prior to play that the sub could say that phrase to indicate the activity is going well and enjoying the play.  And, if/when the sub begins to say it hesitantly or stops saying it altogether the Dom slows down or stops, and checks in verbally with the sub to see if that activity has become too painful.  Some subs may be reluctant to use a safe word thinking they will disappoint the Dom, show their inexperience or low pain threshold, or that they don’t want to acknowledge or otherwise show they are having an intense emotional reaction to the activity.  This is where the need for open communication is paramount for the people in the scene.

Establishing trust and having honest, open and direct communication about needs and desires prior to play is more likely to lead to a successful scene that both the Dom and the sub have thoroughly enjoyed.

Will, Won’t or Maybe Mondays 

As we continue down the checklist i am including most of the activities possible between consenting adults.  Today we’ll look at four that i have knowledge, experience, and a fondness for, and one that is not my kink at all.

Cock Worship

What can i say about cock worship?  i have done it since the first one i tasted when i was twenty years old.  Cock worship is more than simply cock sucking.  To worship cock you must afford it reverence, respect, adulation.  you approach a cock the way you would a religious shrine.  Some apprehension and reflection on the beauty and power that manifests in that Dom’s cock.  your ultimate goal and desire is to service that cock in the manner such a powerful piece of flesh demands.  you take your time with it.  And when He shoots His load, the essence of life and humanity, you do not spit it out.  you gratefully accept it into your body with deep appreciation.

That is Cock Worship!

Collars

A collar is a device of any material that is worn around the neck of the submissive during play.  However, more importantly, the collar is a symbol worn by a submissive denoting that they are in a D/s relationship and/or are owned.  Some Masters and Doms will conduct a formal collaring ceremony either privately or sharing the occasion with friends and community.  Also, there are collars of consideration and training collars.  Collars are not a piece of jewelry to be touched and fondled by other people.  Remember respect in the BDSM Kink community is very important.  Always ask if you can look closer or touch it.  Be prepared to hear a NO.  If you see someone who is collared it is appropriate to speak to the Dom first and ask if it is okay to speak with or hug the submissive person.  Again, respect.  You are acknowledging the Dom’s position in community and in that relationship.  Usually the collar is locked onto the sub’s neck, and the Dom holds the key.  If the D/s relationship ends, the collar is removed by the Dom.  Recently i attended a memorial service where I learned when a submissive dies it is important to treat the collar with reverence and that it can be placed in an honored position in the home of the Dom or the caregiver if that person is a member of the Leather community.  A collar has great significance and deserves your respect.

Cuffs

Cuffs are exciting, exhilarating pieces of BDSM equipment.  As i have related in previous posts i submitted to being cuffed as recently as yesterday for an erotic photo shoot.  It is ultimate submission in my mind because you are giving complete power over to the Dom through an overt action that signifies ultimate trust in that Dom.

Once you are cuffed He has total control of you and can do anything He wants to you.  Trust must be established prior to this kind of submission.  i completely trusted my photographer.

Being cuffed yesterday put me immediately into a sub headspace.  My other senses heightened.  i knew what i hoped He would do as He held total power and control over me.  But, that’ll wait for another time and person.

Diapers

Some Doms and subs get into diaper play and infantilism.  The sub regresses to that stage in life when a baby is completely reliant on it’s parent or caregiver to meet its every need.  And one of those needs is to have their diaper put on, and to be changed when it is wet or soiled.  Players in this kink can be into urine play only or it could involve both piss and shit.

The only thing i can say in addition is, your kink may not be my kink, but your kink is OK!

Dildos

My best friends!  They are always stiff, just the right length and girth, and perpetually ready for action whenever the urge hits you.  No dinner, drinks or small talk with someone on a date that you hope will fuck you at the end of the evening.  No wondering if He is hung large enough; no wondering if he can get it up and keep it up; no wondering or dreading that He may be a two minute man.

Wake up horny?  Reach for the drawer in your nightstand.  Rough day at work?  Or your trick was a lousy lay?  The dildo is ever ready for hot action.  you don’t have to worry that it’ll cum to soon.  Whether you go deep, hard and fast, or slow and easy, the dildo meets your every need when you want to be penetrated.  I have two pink rubber ones, two inflatable ones of different sizes, and a curvy prostate massager.  All of these are different sizes, shapes and contours.

Stock up.  They can be your best friends too.


More next week.

Thanks for reading,

boy stray

The Master…the end!

i continued my daily check in for about eight more days.  And i received not one message of acknowledgement.  Getting more and more sure i was being played the fool, i emailed him through a Kink BDSM hookup site that i saw him on repeatedly during those eight days.

i wrote a simple note asking if i should continue to check in daily.  A terse note came back, “I don’t have time for this now boy”.  i wrote “Fine Sir” back to him. His response, “I am much to busy for this at this time”.

It was quite obvious a couple weeks ago it would come to an end soon. But silly boy kept hope alive. Now it is done.

i done been played yet again.

my journey continues & my head is held high.

Thanks for reading,

boy stray

30 Days to Define your Kink as a submissive 

i saw these questions on another blog ( http://collaredmom.com/define-your-kink) and thought it would interesting to respond to one question a day (probably non-sequential days) until all are covered.  Maybe Y/you will consider writing Y/your own responses in a journal so Y/you can periodically review to see how Y/you have grown or changed.  

If You are a Top/Dom/Master it is possible to rework the questions to reflect Your perspective.
Day 1: Do you view your submission as; Taken in Hand, domestic discipline, top/bottom, dominant/submissive, master/slave, owner/pet, DD/lg; or some other description or combination? If you do not use a label, why?

13 January 2017 – i view my submission as a Dom/sub.  i proudly say i am a sub, bottom, boy!  i take great pleasure in calling other Men, SIR…even if they are bottoms.  One night i called a boy Sir, and he quickly said, “oh, i’m not a Sir.”  But i still think of him as a Sir every time I see him now.  i even call young men Sir if i think they could be Dominant.  Saying a lot is a verbal way of expressing my submissive nature.
Day 2: Describe who you might submit to and how.

Are you exclusively submissive in marriage or just in the bedroom?

Day 3: How do you know you are submissive or have the potential to be submissive?

Day 4: Do you switch into a dominant role at any time?

Day 5: Have you been or are you in a dominant/submissive dynamic relationship or is this new to you?

Have you been in more than one D/s relationship?

How were they the same? How were they different?

Day 6: What do you feel are the roots of your submission?

Do you think it has something to do with childhood?

Is it a relationship management tool as in the practice of domestic discipline?

Is it a sexual thrill or something else?

Day 7: Do you accept and/or expect discipline or punishments as a part of your submission? How do you feel about it?

Day 8: Is spanking or corporal punishment a part of your submission? Why or why not?

Day 9: Do you accept and/or expect structure, rules and limits as a part of your submission? How do you feel about them?

Day 10: Does any element of BDSM occur as a part of your submissive relationships?

How do you feel about BDSM?

Is it core to your submission, peripheral or non-existent (other than the submission part)?

Day 11: Do you include service as a part of your expectations of your submission?

How do you define service?

What does it mean to you?

If not, what is it about the concept of service that is not for you?

Day 12: Do you include financial submission within the definition of your own submission and if yes, how does it manifest itself?

If no, is there a particular reason why?

Are you familiar with the concepts of financial submission?

Do you have an opinion about financial submission in general?

Day 13: Is sexual availability, being available to your partner any time he or she wants, part of your submission?

Why or why not?

Are there limits to this?

Day 14: Does religion have any bearing on your decision to submit?

If not, are you familiar with religious based submission and do you view it as similar to other types of submission or dissimilar?

Day 15: Has your submission evolved over time?

If so, how has it evolved for you?

If not (or if you are just starting out) how might you see or imagine it evolving in the future?

Day 16: Have you found your submission has changed with different partners/relationships?

If you’re involved with partners of both sexes, does your submission relate or change based on gender or does it depend on the person?

Day 17: What does trust mean to you in the context of submission?

Day 18: Very often the stereotype of submission is that the submissive person loses the ability to have an opinion. While that clearly isn’t true except in the absolute rarest of occasions, how does communication factor into your submission and how do you communicate your desires and needs?

Day 19: How socially connected is your submission? Do you look for others to talk to about your submission for support or networking? Do you go to events or connect through another sort of social grouping either in person or online?

Day 20: Has your submission increased or decreased over time? Have you ever had to renegotiate your submission due to a change in your feelings or circumstance?

Day 21: Is there a physical position that makes you feel most submissive?

Day 22: Can you feel submissive without a dominant partner? If so, how does your submission express itself? If not, how do you handle your submission or submissive feelings?

Day 23: Is there anything about submission (yours or what you see in others) that you question, dislike or repels you? Was there a time you questioned or were resistant to your own submissive feelings?

Day 24: What are the emotions that most directly let you access submission? What feelings do they inspire?

Day 25: Are there items, objects or rituals that represent or help you express submission? If not, have you ever thought of adding or being gifted one? Is there a special significance to these objects or rituals?

Day 26: What are the qualities you seek in a dominant partner and why? Are some qualities deal-breakers as in “must” haves or “must not” have?

Day 27: Do you have submissive desires or fantasies that you have yet to be able to explore? Do some of your desires confuse or frighten you? Do they excite you?

Day 28: Has your submission ever let you down? Have you ever been criticized for your submission? Have you ever regretted being or feeling submissive in a moment or in a relationship? Have you ever looked back and realized you made a mistake and how did you handle your submission going forward from that?

Day 29: Is pain or humiliation (spankings for example) a part of your submission? What is your relationship to it? Do you embrace it as a part of your submission, tolerate it as necessary or have some other type of relationship with it?

Day 30: Is your need to submit being met?

If not, or if your situation changed, do you think that you could continue in your life and still be happy/content if you were never able to express your submission in the way that feels best to you again?

What makes submission special to you?

Someday He’ll Come Along, the Man i…?

Today i have an ear worm of that old song, “Someday he’ll come along, the man I love, and he’ll be big and strong, the man i love!  i hesitate to say the man i love part, because i already have love for and from my spouse of many years.  Other words I come up with to finish the stanza are: the Man i serve or the Man i submit to, or the Man who is my Dom!  Not quite the same flow of words, huh?

Why is this song, or more accurately this line from a song stuck in my head today?  Well, i get about forty to fifty emails daily that are from BDSM and/or Leather Men’s groups every day.  i see lots of images of hyper masculine Leather clad men embracing or Dominating a submissive boy in many of those emails.  Also, now that i have reached my late midlife reawakening i find myself about as horny as teenage boy who first finds out he can now ejaculate when he masturbates.  What an incredible feeling!

i use to imagine that a Knight in shining armor would ride in on his white horse and sweep me off my feet and take me to a gleaming castle on a hill to live happily ever after.  So much for fairy tales!  That image has morphed into a tall hairy Dom wearing full black dress leather roaring in on His Harley, smoking a cigar, carrying a flogger on his belt, and sweeping me away to His dungeon to live my life joyfully as His submissive taking care of His every need.  Wow, how time changes one’s hopes, dreams, desires…

Someday He’ll come along, the Dom i love?

Thanks for reading,

boy stray

If He doesn’t come soon, maybe i can change the ear worm to the song, “i’m going on a Man hunt!”